this post was submitted on 18 Sep 2023
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submitted 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) by shapis@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
 

I have a few questions on how to best behave to be as welcoming and inclusive as possible without sounding bad. I hope you guys don't hate me.

I'm just a straight male. Are my pronouns he/him? Is that how I should tell people? Do you actually tell them as you meet them ? Do I have to wait for a certain social cue ?

How about online. Should I tell people or have it on my personal profile somewhere?

And about respecting other people's pronouns. How do i figure them out ? Is it a big faux pas if I don't before I know them ? Is it a faux pas if I refer to someone I just met and I assumed to be male as he/him?

I've never seen anyone referring to anyone irl by non conventional pronouns. Is it an actual thing or is it currently being pushed to make the world a more inclusive place?

I'd love some help with all of this.

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[–] Tomboys_are_Cute@hexbear.net 2 points 2 years ago

I am a straight male

Being straight doesn't impact what your pronouns are! Your gender, whether you are cis, non-binary, trans, or any other gender identity is what determines these pronouns.

are my pronouns he/him?

Probably but thats up to you. Usually pronouns are given in that order as a matter of standardisation for understanding where they go in a sentence. Ie "He is going to the store" or "it all comes down his choice." Obviously this leaves out some other gendered standard pronouns like formal Sirs and Ma'ams but for most conversation knowing she/her or they/them gets you most of the way there. For standard ones it might be intuitive but for people with neo-pronouns it helps a lot.

do you tell people when you meet them?

Sometimes. I try to do it more these days as a matter of course but usually I will give them when I'm in an environment where some people do and don't where no one does. They are in my email signatures and real social media bios though.

Online rules

At least on your profile somewhere. I like Hexbear's "no exceptions they will be in your name" policy, its better for uptake and helps people feel included.

figuring out others

If it isn't clear you could always ask. If you aren't a dick about it then it's usually fine. If you get corrected though the most respectful thing you could do is just say sorry and use the right ones from that point on.

non conventional pronouns

Yes people do use them, if you are in places that queer people go to or feel comfortable you are more likely to meet someone with them. I would argue its more polite to refer to them as neo pronouns but I also have boring ones so its not really my place to say. If you look around hexbear there are a couple of frequent posters with neo pronouns and I've known a few people irl to use neo pronouns as well.

[–] salarua@sopuli.xyz 1 points 2 years ago

answering your questions as best I can (I'm a straight male too) in order:

  1. if he/him seems right to you, then your pronouns are he/him. if other pronouns seem right to you, then your pronouns are those pronouns. pronouns don't have to match up with your gender or presentation, go with whatever you vibe with
  2. when meeting new people, I give my name and pronouns. "hi, my name is salarua and my pronouns are he/him." of course, it's nice to give your pronouns when asked, but other than that it's up to you
  3. just including your pronouns in your profile is good. some people put them in their nicks, some in their bio or about me. if you have a Mastodon, Akkoma, Misskey, or Firefish account you can put your pronouns in your custom fields
  4. you can try and figure out other people's pronouns from how other people refer to them. many people will also give their pronouns if you introduce yourself with your pronouns. it's not a faux pas to not know someone's pronouns beforehand, although I admit I don't know a non-awkward way to ask someone their pronouns
  5. a good bet is to refer to people whose pronouns you don't know as they/them. if you mispronoun someone by mistake, quietly correct yourself and continue with whatever you're saying. "so after arriving at the office, he- sorry, they went to go see their supervisor about the presentation..." as long as it's not done out of malice, people don't mind being mispronouned if you acknowledge the slip-up and move on
  6. I haven't met anyone irl with neopronouns either. presumably people with neopronouns would go by them if they were among people they felt safe with. unfortunately most of the world isn't safe :(
[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 1 points 2 years ago (5 children)

Trans woman here. Your pronouns are he/him unless you’d rather be addressed with other ones. There’s multiple ways to handle exchanging them but one of the popular strategies is look at how a person is presenting, how gendered their name is, etc and if it seems pretty strongly leaning one way you can guess otherwise give your pronouns and they give theirs in return. At least that’s what I do.

[–] shapis@lemmy.ml 2 points 2 years ago

Thank u that makes sense.

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[–] BuddyTheBeefalo@lemmy.ml -1 points 2 years ago (5 children)

I find the use of the term guys exclusive.

[–] Thisfox@sopuli.xyz 1 points 2 years ago

I don't. Plenty of times said "what are you guys doing?" to a group of people which did not include men. I have been addressed the same way plenty, despite being cis female. Possibly it's different in other countries, but on the east coast of nsw "guys" is gender neutral.

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[–] riley0@lemmy.dbzer0.com -2 points 2 years ago

Don't ask for other people to identify you, please.

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