this post was submitted on 11 Mar 2025
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Programmer Humor

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STOP DOING COMPUTER SCIENCE (lemm.ee)
submitted 4 months ago by Irelephant@lemm.ee to c/programmer_humor@programming.dev
49 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

transcriptA meme saying: "STOP DOING COMPUTER SCIENCE"

  • Computers were supposed to solve math, NOT to be programmed
  • C is a LETTER, not a language
  • Wanna print() something? Write it in a PAPER with a PEN
  • "I'm writing a recursive method with threads to optimize the CPU usage in a 0.02%" THIS IS A NONSENSICAL STATEMENT MADE BY DERANGED PEOPLE

Look at what PROGRAMMERs have been demanding your respect for, after all the led lights we put in their computers: (This is real COMPUTER SCIENCE, done by real COMPUTER SCIENTISTS)

  • FUNNY COLORED LETTERS (with a picture of syntax-highlighted code)
  • 178 COMPILATION ERRORS????? (with a picture of compilation errors
  • A FAKE TEAPOT YOU CAN'T USE (with a picture of a 3d rendered teapot.

IF PROGRAMMING WAS REAL HOW COME NOBODY THOUGH IN DOING while(true{print(money);}

end transcript.

all 50 comments
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[–] Mothproof2212@feddit.org 68 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Why are you trying to write python? Just get one from the pet shop!

[–] davidgro@lemmy.world 32 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Rust is even easier, you probably have some you aren't even using. Check in the bikeshed.

[–] LinyosT@sopuli.xyz 7 points 4 months ago

Why are you writing Rust? Do you want to get tetanus?

[–] jef@lemm.ee 5 points 4 months ago

Don't understand why it takes people so long anyways, took me like 5 seconds to write it.

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 1 points 4 months ago

I get my Java from a local coffee shop

[–] SlopppyEngineer@lemmy.world 48 points 4 months ago (1 children)

A client with s very low budget wanted a solution for their filing. We suggested they could get more bang for their bucks with preprinted paper forms, pens and a cabinet than going for software. They were not amused.

[–] eager_eagle@lemmy.world 16 points 4 months ago

and if they want to go fancy and cheap, suggest excel.

[–] nullPointer@programming.dev 41 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

I just tell people that I am a "professional button pusher"

[–] Irelephant@lemm.ee 32 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Knowing which buttons to push is the valuable part though.

[–] ulterno@programming.dev 20 points 4 months ago

That's what diffs a professional button pusher from an amateur button pusher.
When you know which buttons in which order get you money, you become a professional.

[–] cows_are_underrated@feddit.org 14 points 4 months ago

I dont know where I heard this story but it was something like the following:

In a company a very valuable machine breaks and becomes inoperable, so they call the support. They send a mechanic to fix the machine. The mechanic arrives inspects the machine, opens it, presses a button and it works as if nothing happened. The manager then asks why he is paying the mechanic just to press a button. The mechanic answers "you aren't paying me for pressing the button, but for knowing which button to press".

[–] humanspiral@lemmy.ca 33 points 4 months ago (1 children)

while 1 print money

Central banks obfuscate this code a bit, but its all about having the right printer hooked up.

[–] CanadaPlus@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Well, they use a for loop that whatever group of bureaucrats has to enter a limit into, but basically yes.

[–] sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 21 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

I mean, the entirety of Steam's code could maybe be described as an obfuscated version of

while(true){ print(money); }

[–] Irelephant@lemm.ee 13 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Twitter is just a wrapper around a database.

[–] sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 3 points 4 months ago

=P

[–] Comment105@lemm.ee 2 points 4 months ago

YouTube is just a weeeeeeeird cylinder that simply can not be filled.

[–] Gork@lemm.ee 17 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

We need more funding for RGB lit components for our programmers since this will make them better programmers

[–] ulterno@programming.dev 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I am able to get components with unwanted lighting all over the place, but none where lighting is desirable.

  • Didn't ask for lighting in my fans, got them.
  • Didn't ask for lighting on my motherboard, got it.
  • Didn't ask to a blinding light in the power indicator of my monitor, which is brighter than the screen itself. Had to tape it up.
  • Took a real while to find a cabinet without glass/acrylic stuff, because that's all people sell nowadays.
  • Asked for a good backlit keyboard for a reasonable price. I had to make cutouts out of glow-in-the-dark stickers.
    • RGB everywhere by default, but getting even a single coloured backlight on a keyboard ramps up the price like anything.
[–] psud@aussie.zone 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Some people use the RGB to indicate system loads by colour, so they can have a visual indicator for when a long process finishes

[–] ulterno@programming.dev 0 points 4 months ago

That's a nice way to use it.
Not for me though, since I prefer audio cues for those things.

I use the RGB on my gaming mouse to help find it in the dark, but that's all. Since it's usually too bright, all 3 RGB values are kept under 10 (out of 255).

As for the keyboard, I am mostly fine with a single colour LED. RGB would be considered a nice to have for seasonally changing colours. I may find different zone based colours useful, but I need to find a good enough keyboard first.

[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 13 points 4 months ago (6 children)

What's the teapot?

[–] doeknius_gloek@discuss.tchncs.de 22 points 4 months ago (1 children)

HTTP 418

[–] hakunawazo@lemmy.world 7 points 4 months ago

I'm a t... I'm BATMAN.

[–] MaggiWuerze@feddit.org 20 points 4 months ago

Its a traditional shape you try to recreate in algorithmic 3d graphics

[–] charonn0@startrek.website 16 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

A standard reference model in 3d modeling.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Utah_teapot

[–] Tja@programming.dev 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

It's a device to brew tea in.

[–] psud@aussie.zone 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

It's a fake teapot, you can't brew tea in it

[–] Tja@programming.dev 1 points 4 months ago

Ceci n'est pas une ~~pipe~~ teapot.

[–] thickertoofan@lemm.ee 13 points 4 months ago

Yeah it's all propaganda, I like bashing a keyboard's keys due to sexual reasons.

[–] onlyhalfminotaur@lemmy.world 12 points 4 months ago

Where is "they've played us for absolute fools"

[–] _____@lemm.ee 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)

using threads to reduce cpu usage ? in what world ? if you can parallelize tasks you will always increase the workload done.

[–] sus@programming.dev 16 points 4 months ago

they said optimize CPU usage, not reduce CPU usage. clearly they actually want to increase CPU utilization in this mysterious "0.02%" situation in order to get the results faster

[–] A_A@lemmy.world 10 points 4 months ago (1 children)

:) + Bitcoin mining :
while(true{print(money);}

[–] Tja@programming.dev 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)

There's like 2 syntax errors in this one liner.

[–] A_A@lemmy.world 6 points 4 months ago

🤣, welcome {( to ] ] !programmer_humor

[–] Kidplayer_666@lemm.ee 9 points 4 months ago

Weimar Republic thought of exactly that

[–] Scoopta@programming.dev 8 points 4 months ago (3 children)

"Write it in a paper"...I'm not sure how that works but I am very curious

[–] Irelephant@lemm.ee 9 points 4 months ago

Write so hard out of anger that you rip the paper.

[–] sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 2 points 4 months ago

If you go back far enough, you'd be coding the ENIAC via punchcards.

... Or maybe today you could write code on paper and have an AI augmented OCR system try to run it?

[–] LinyosT@sopuli.xyz 2 points 4 months ago

Just use a printer! It’s in the name!!!

[–] x00z@lemmy.world 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Ah yes, let's forget that that image is created on a computer

[–] Irelephant@lemm.ee 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

No, I made it pixel by pixel on a piece of paper, and then scanned it to spread the word.

[–] ertai@programming.dev 6 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Honestly I'm disappointed. The reasons exposed here are much too weak.

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago

So saith corporal Ludd

[–] wheeldawg@sh.itjust.works 2 points 4 months ago

What is "a 0.02%"?

[–] FundMECFSResearch@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 4 months ago

Appreciate the alt text