I was in the shower this morning when the thought occurred- is there some reason this shampoo bottle says "If ingested, get help or contact a Poison Control Centre right away" that we're not being told? It's not on the bottle. So I drank the bottle to test my hypothesis that it's Big Pharma lying to us.

Anyway so 5 minutes later I'm vomiting blood all over the room when the thought occurred- they do this so you'll have to visit a hospital and spend even MORE money. It's literally a conspiracy by a cabal between Big Pharma and the hospitals, and I guarantee Big Poison Control benefits from the increased call volume (m^3^). This is the new frontier of citizen science and I'm calling on all freethinkers to venture down the rabbit hole with me.

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[–] CrispyFern@hexbear.net 8 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I drink my 3in1 (shampoo, conditioner, protein shake) all the time. I think you just have a skill issue. smuglord

[–] queermunist@lemmy.ml 7 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

>not having Axe 5in1 (body wash+shaving butter+shampoo+conditioner+bacon flavored protein shake)

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 7 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

That might be my Nobel prize if I survive the night but it seems that my liver has temporarily shut down for some reason. Vaccine shedding from the flight paramedic is my chief suspicion. Hypothesis: drinking different kinds of shampoo will range in effects and at least one of them is be a natural cure for disease. Sort of like balancing your humours.

edit: Well look at that. Big Hospice is already sending their fucking shills to spread FUD. You know you're on the right track when you've scared the cabal.

[–] HexbearGPT@hexbear.net 6 points 2 years ago

Just wait until you try drinking dish soap.

[–] Dolores@hexbear.net 6 points 2 years ago

you know why they put that skull and crossbones on the formaldehyde? they want to scare us off, but i know they put it in bodies to preserve them after people die! the solution to aging is RIGHT THERE but these bastards are keeping it from us

/uj it's genuinely senselessly cruel how they literally methyl poison cosmetic/hygiene products that don't have to be outright dangerous, to prevent the very poorest, most desperate alcoholics (and the collateral damage of children) from getting drunk. and they still drink it, they just die.

[–] PorkrollPosadist@hexbear.net 4 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

I throw out the icing packets and spread a rich layer of Herbal Essences conditioner on my Pillsbury toaster strudels every morning.

[–] Infamousblt@hexbear.net 4 points 2 years ago

Big Pharma is telling us not to drink soap so they can overcharge for laxatives. There's a shortage of laxatives so they can pump the price. They don't want you to know you don't need laxatives if you just drink an entire bottle of soap

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I thought you were going to the Ice Wall down near the antarctic to prove the flat earth?

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 5 points 2 years ago

I'm not, but some citizen scientist is and I'm looking forward to the results.