this post was submitted on 02 Feb 2025
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[–] flamingo_pinyata@sopuli.xyz 167 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Is this a parody, or did someone actually brag on twitter about having sex? I honestly can't tell what's satire any more.

[–] boonhet@lemm.ee 126 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Could be either way, honestly. He's a fundie who bragged about remaining a virgin until marriage. He finally got hitched to a former Miss Universe of all people, at age 32 or something.

[–] Slovene@feddit.nl 87 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Miss Universe

That shit's so rigged. Always an earthling. SMH

[–] boonhet@lemm.ee 27 points 1 year ago

Yeah, pretty much don't stand a chance unless you're a featherless biped with two boobs.

[–] ThatGuy46475@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago

Well who else would win, a vogon?

[–] ThatGuy46475@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago

Well who else would win, a vogon?

[–] notabot@lemm.ee 67 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Like a sea turtle trying to get up on a raft.

What a mental image. Brain bleach, stat, please.

[–] billwashere@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

I’m still chuckling over this.

[–] BreadOven@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] notabot@lemm.ee 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] BreadOven@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Might help some turts get in the mood?

[–] Edgarallenpwn@midwest.social 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I was at the zoo a few years ago when Aldabra Tortoises were fucking. It was that but a few octaves lower, and you could hear it from the start of the section. If you imaging what a large turtle fucking would sound like in some dumb sex comedy movie, it was exactly that.

[–] BreadOven@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Hahaha. I equally want to and don't want to experience that. Thank you for describing it. Much appreciated.

[–] genuineparts 64 points 1 year ago (1 children)

He had THE Sex. You know the one sex you get in your life and then never again.

[–] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 57 points 1 year ago (3 children)

God was there

In the corner

Quietly jerking off

Then cumming over the two of them

God is a kinky dude, I like him.

[–] moistclump@lemmy.world 32 points 1 year ago (2 children)

“And the Holy Spirit came upon them…”

[–] wabafee@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Would you call that a blessing?

[–] Shave_MyBeever@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Sack-ra-ment?

[–] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I want your blessings all over my face

[–] wabafee@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Ask and you shall receive

[–] bitwaba@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Can you feel the Holy Spirit inside you?

[–] 100_kg_90_de_belin@feddit.it 14 points 1 year ago

He was on the cuck chair

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

He got that woman pregnant once before her husband had even had a go.

From prima nocta to prima knocked-up.

[–] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 year ago

And God was there!

[–] CyberEgg@discuss.tchncs.de 27 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 21 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Probably had it a couple of other times since then. Would have to check his posts to be sure. Willing to bet there were maybe a few times where God was not there.

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I used to fill in for god to watch him have sex, I thought him having god watch was for religious reasons, but he just can't get off unless someone's silently judging him in the corner.

[–] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 year ago

Are they still married?

These types typically call it quits quickly

[–] vga@sopuli.xyz 14 points 1 year ago

Even almighty God cannot witness things that fast.

[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 1 year ago

he had the sex

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 1 points 1 year ago

And he came in three seconds.

[–] FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world 0 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Man, what a waste.

In Tebow's shoes I'd have been having sex with every woman I see.

[–] explodicle@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 year ago

So did Magic Johnson