Melbourne

I know it's a day late but I would just like to give out hugs to Eagle and his fam. It's hard enough to cope with fam ourselves but it breaks our heart to see what it does to our kids.

I found one of the hardest things coping with a dysfunctional family is how do I help young Miss Seagoon through this. How could I teach her what is and what isn't a healthy relationship.

I was super attentive about having an honest and very trusting relationship with her. I was always and still am always there for her. I was discreet, never saying mean things about people she loved, I let her see with her own eyes.

And now she is a older, can see all the people for who they are and is grieving the loss of good healthy relationships. She has a fair dose of anger too at how they treat her and me. Of course the dysfunctional fam are not sad at all, they see nothing wrong.

Hugs again to all our DTers.

Reconnected with my oldest sister today in a 4+ hour phone call. Was so good to talk to her! Feeling very happy and sort of grounded right now.

Edit: we haven't spoken for about 25 years after I "went dark" due to mental health issues and personal problems.

Exhausted. One of my neighbours (a pro landscape gardener) alerted me to one of her up-market clients who was getting rid of two magnificent concrete planters in order to have a new garden design. Spent this afternoon picking them up, cleaning them and placing them in the garden. They're gorgeous - 60 cm across urns with Pan faces and garlands and fluting on the outside. Very italianate. Made in Brunswick/Coburg back in the 80s and the firm has gone out of business since. They even have a little concrete plinth for each one.

Now the hard part - deciding what to put in them. They're large enough for a smallish tree, so practically anything except daphne would suit. Am thinking might re-locate the rosemary to one of them, and maybe lavender in the other. Maybe a cumquat ...

I am hot, bothered, sweaty, every muscle is aching and I have no fingernails left to speak of, but also seriously stoked that these beauties are not going to end up in landfill. Estimated cost of purchasing a similar item (only made in China/Bali and not as decorated or as sturdy) is $200 plus - each.

My thoughts and prayers are with the queens doing day drag at Midsumma carnival today.

Bit down today, trying to keep myself motivated but it’s a little hard at times when you’ve been given news that things might not be ok with someone’s health.

It’s all up to possibilities and anything could happen moving forward, I really hope that it turns out ok and things can return to normal but it’s outside of my control which is frustrating because you can’t do anything about it to change the outcome.

Cheers all!

E: Resident maggie also says cheers:

She was trusting enough to eat it off my leg when I was breaking it up for her which is a first. She's evolving.

Uuuuurgh body sore. First gym session of the new year yesterday.

Uuuuurgh.

Boyo has cooked his brain, cat ate a stink bug with predictable consequences, and I smell like a Swamp Thing. Bring on Wednesday!

My washing machine gets looked at tomorrow. Yay. $200 to walk through my door. I am SO asking a lot of questions.

The problem with waking up at almost 2pm is that it's almost bed time :(

Fuck it im staying up late. Monday is usually a slow day anyway.

I survived day 1 back at work and am back for another day today. It is nice just being off the couch. The next challenge will be getting back on top of the housework and things that I've been letting slide for the last couple of weeks. I was a bit displeased with past me who decided to put off filling the car with petrol which meant I had to do that yesterday.

When doing the chilli patch irrigation 5yrs ago built / buried a redundant line just in case one failed. Completely forgot about that. Now it has just been turned into ghetto potato patch watering line. Basically just drilling holes in PVC. Surprised the valve still works.

And there are 3 little potats sprouting.

Man, where has Luthor Vandross been all my life!

What a vibe!

I mean, look at this guy! What an absolute pimp lol

Is it hot. Yes. Am I going for a ride. Hell yeah.

Someone just has to roll me off my bed and out of the aircon. LOL.

Hot hot hot hot hot. Catch-up with friend was so blissful and wide-ranging, almost like therapy, went on from 8:45 to 2:45... almost the entire time the cafe was open. Loved it. Now meant to maybe do chores today but frankly, other than the clothes and dishes, I don't think I'll do much. Can't be effed with food prep and vacuuming today. Dinner can be sauteed amaranth with grilled salmon tail and... hmmm only have basmati rice. Maybe I could stream dumplings from the freezer. Yeah that's plenty.

But for now, cool down time with some cold grapes and reading Severence theories now that I've caught up to s2 e1...

I realised the big fruit were probably taxing the plants and that might be why they were dropping flowers. So I finally harvested them.

One is beginning to rot from the end though, one is turning yellow so maybe kind of sun tanned, and I still don’t know if they’ve turned bitter/toxic or are safe to eat. I also dropped one on the floor and broke the skin -_-

I still need more potting mix to plant the tiny variety of pumpkins but Big Green Shed charges $25 to deliver 2 bags… wondering if there’s a good time to ask someone to pick it up. Another flower came up from the small variety so they are really stressed and need to be planted out.

The bird water kept running dry and I finally spotted a hole in the foil pan… I’ve given them a new one. Also the pet water dispenser I ordered came a bit cracked in the mail and I don’t really have another spot so I filled it for outside cats.

I left washing in overnight so have just rewashed that. Melbcat was sick this morning on the doona cover and the carpet so I’ve got some more washing to do.

She’s in her favourite bed by the window after soaking up some sun. I think at some point I’m going to sneakily get her with an anti nausea pill a few hours before dinner to ensure it kicks in.

Lunch has been completed successfully

It wasn't the best Barbie I've ever had. We were driving around for about 40 minutes trying to find one in working order that didn't have too many people

Had a good yarn. It's still not too bad in the shade outside. Honestly my 27°C house feels worse than it does at 34°c outside under shade

Bloody thirsty though. Forgot my water bottle. Bought a litre of water at the servo on the way home and skulled it so fast I felt a little sick. No regrets though. Still thirsty

I got the dates wrong and the Dark Souls community event actually ended on Friday, not started then. I'll still do another play through but I won't focus on trying to do coop as much

I made it to the rich side of town in one piece. Train was basically empty and pretty well air conned so it wasn't too bad

It's actually okay outside under the shade

First ever day of Triple J live on Double J. Get iit nto your ears if so inclined 😺

I have to make my way over to the East (dun-dun-duuuun) today. My trek shall involve an hour and a half's worth of travel to go half an hour away, and will involve a walk, a bus, walk, tram, another walk, train, another walk. Wish me the ability to deal with people tomorrow

(Only have to do it one way which is nice)

Sleep and anxiety so messed up. -_-

There were things I’ve been late with or didn’t do because it feels like I can barely move.

I was supposed to go to bed 2 hours ago and then I started watching The Ancient Magus' Bride.

Oops…

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I don't know what it is, but I've felt like absolute crap lately. I'm going to make sure I practise piano tomorrow and go for a walk. I'm also going to put practise into my schedule, because I'm not practising nearly enough.

Watched a movie called Glass Onion and it gets three out of five Hobbits from me.

Think I spent like 5 hours poring over all the latest Severance theories (most some variation on the obvious big question of s2 e1).

I'm pretty satisfied now. Kind of forgot to make dinner though whoops... At least I did the dreaded dishes and the clothes are almost done. Boiled some eggs to just keep me satisfied for tonight and tomorrow morning.

Tomorrow my goal is to start early and do exactly the amount of hours I'm meant to in the field, so that hopefully I can come home early enough to rehydrate, recharge and cook up the salmon. I don't regret not pushing myself to do anything at all this weekend - feels like I've managed to have a holiday after my time away and am ready for the week ahead 💪

weird homework nightmare ...lol

I dreamt I had 4 pages of homework to do and one painting, I had it all in my head, had done 2 pages and was half done the painting ( of a horse ) with 2 hours to go . i felt sick in my stomach

I can't wait until TAFE starts again. I'm going stir crazy just hanging out in my head.

I need to get a job, but I hate myself so damn much I can't even pretend to have any confidence.

Still haven't reached out to my family, other than to just discuss the Timescape Vs λ-CDM theory regarding whether the universe is actually accelerating or not. It's about the only topic I contribute to the group chat tbh, just science news.

But, I have a GP appointment this week, for a new MHCP so I can get on the wait list for a bulk-billed psych. It's gonna take months for an appointment but I seriously need it. I'm slipping, I can feel it, if I can hold on for a few more months, I can make it.