this post was submitted on 17 Dec 2024
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GWAR Forced to Reduce Fake Cum Usage After Tariffs Cut Supply to 5 Barrels a Day (thehardtimes.net)
submitted 8 months ago by nokturne213@sopuli.xyz to c/theonion@midwest.social
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[–] nokturne213@sopuli.xyz 44 points 8 months ago

“Times are so tough that we’re even considering holding a cum drive charity event to restock our reserves.”

[–] oce@jlai.lu 36 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Gwar, often stylized as GWAR, is an American heavy metal band formed in Richmond, Virginia, in 1984, composed of and operated by a frequently rotating line-up of musicians, artists, and filmmakers collectively known as Slave Pit Inc.
...
Identified by their distinctively grotesque costumes, Gwar's core thematic and visual concept revolves around an elaborate science fiction-themed mythology which portrays the band members as barbaric medieval nordic, mythological, biblical or interplanetary warriors, a narrative which serves as the basis for all of the band's albums, live shows and media. With over-the-top violent, sexual, and scatological humor typically incorporating social and political satire, Gwar has attracted both acclaim and controversy for its music and stage shows, the latter of which notoriously showcase enactments of graphic violence that result in the audience being sprayed with fake blood, urine, and semen. Such stagecraft regularly leads Gwar to be labeled a "shock rock" band by the media. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gwar

[–] perishthethought@lemm.ee 18 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Ohlord.... I needed this laugh so much.

Thanks!

[–] hOrni@lemmy.world 16 points 8 months ago (2 children)

Bummer. The fake cum and blood were the only reasons to see a GWAR show. It's not like anybody shows up for the music.

[–] Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 22 points 8 months ago

You'll be the first we feed to the sentient toilet

[–] sirico@feddit.uk 15 points 8 months ago

The real economic canary

[–] BigMacHole@lemm.ee 11 points 8 months ago (2 children)

I'm a Republican who does their Own Research and this is FALSE because GWAR isn't Real!

[–] nokturne213@sopuli.xyz 17 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Fake news.

[–] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 3 points 8 months ago (1 children)

GWAR interviews cracked me up so much as a kid. Their commitment to the bit is awesome.

[–] nokturne213@sopuli.xyz 2 points 8 months ago

Dave was a lot better about staying in character than Mike is. There is an Opie & Anthony interview with Oderus and they could not get him to break character, then Oderus left and Dave comes in and they could not get him to admit he is Oderus.

While Mike sells Blöthar well, he does not have the commitment Dave did.

[–] Mac@mander.xyz 14 points 8 months ago

Obvious bait. A republican would never use "their".

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 9 points 8 months ago (1 children)

FAKE cum??? Uhhhhhhh........yeah, sure. Fake.

[–] altima_neo@lemmy.zip 6 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

You have any idea how expensive the real stuff is? The amount of anime figurines required alone makes it unobtainium.

[–] JimVanDeventer@lemmy.world 7 points 8 months ago (1 children)

It's only cum if it's from the seminal vesicles in France. Otherwise, it's just sparkling semen.

[–] just_another_person@lemmy.world 9 points 8 months ago

Best headline of the month

[–] Mango@lemmy.world 5 points 8 months ago

Time to buy the dip!

[–] The_Che_Banana@beehaw.org 2 points 8 months ago

Sleazy P Martini's been hording it!!!