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This scene made me remember some things (lemmy.world)

submitted 9 months ago by zerozaku@lemmy.world to c/dandadan@ani.social

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This interaction of Okarun not to interact with a girl who really talked with him literally a day before, is something I used to do or maybe even now.

So what is this behaviour? Introversion? Social anxiety? Shyness?

I enjoyed the scene because it's relatable but also it got me thinking why do I react the same way.

Did you relate to this scene? Did you grow-out of that phase of ignoring girls unless they interact?

(I know all of this little cringe to make a post upon, I'll delete this if it doesn't fit here)

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[–] the_artic_one@programming.dev 3 points 9 months ago

It's low self-esteem, Okarun doesn't think it's possible that someone would actually want to talk to him so he refuses to believe obvious signs to the contrary.

Side note: it's a huge pet peeve of mine when people use "introversion" to describe behavior like this because it's not what "introversion" means at all and because it's conflating maladaptive behavior which you could change with an inherently personality trait which you can't change. Being introverted just means your preferred balance of time alone or with small groups (one or two close friends) vs time in large social groups is skewed more towards small groups. It doesn't mean that social phobia/paralyzing social anxiety which causes you to completely isolate yourself 99% of the time is "just how you're supposed to be". If this is how you feel, you have legitimate problems which are fixable, you aren't doomed to suffer in loneliness forever.

[–] Notyou@sopuli.xyz 3 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Shyness and low self esteem. I learned how to 'fake it till you make it' and that has helped me adapt better and actually get confidence. If it makes you feel any better most people feel like that every now and then. You just have to practice social skills and grow your personal communication skills.

I think it was the 1st episode where Okarun talks down about himself and Ayase said something along the lines of, 'Well I don't think that. You are only feeling bad about yourself because YOU thought that.'. I'm sure I'm butchering it, but basically that you are doing it to yourself. I know it's easier said than done, but I try to treat myself like my friend instead of me. It has led to me treating myself better in general now. Life is a journey and we can course correct along the way. Most people never course correct and get stuck in rut and bad habits.

It takes practice and feeling awkward to get better, but you are probably like me and I plenty of practice with feeling awkward. That part will be easy. They feel awkward too.

[–] zerozaku@lemmy.world 2 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Thanks for this. I'm gonna take inspiration from you and keep trying to make my social interactions better.

[–] Notyou@sopuli.xyz 2 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Good on you. Something that I feel helped me is using the skinner box reward tricks and things that corporations use to get us hooked (fake points, etc). They use it to keep us engaged, so I tried to use reward systems to keep me going. For example, I can have a cheat meal, if I lose x lbs. If I talk to this person or this group, I will buy myself something or do this activity that I want to do, but have been putting off. You can get a calendar and mark down days that you worked on yourself (any info about that day that was unique? Write it on the calendar). Looking back after a month and seeing the days add up, makes you want to keep going.

Plan > execute > evaluate > make needed changes and try again.

Remember you are growing and adding skill sets to your current ones. Each day you do this you can get a little bit better. After a while of doing that, you will be amazed at how much you can change yourself.

Take rest days too. We need little breaks too. It's like bashing your head against a wall when you're trying to down a Dark Souls boss. Then you quit and take a nap. Come back and 1 shot them.