Comradeship // Freechat

Simple things.

I'm eating better. A bit more veg and salad. Fewer processed foods.

And I'm able to enjoy reading fiction in Spanish now. I love reading fiction but cannot easily justify the time spent on novels. If I read in English, it's either theory or for work. But I told myself that I could read fiction if it were in another language. So I started learning Spanish. And at the start of this summer I got through my first full novel. I'm on #4 now, and while I have to check the odd word, I can more-or-less breeze through (at a slower pace than I read in English). So now I can read fiction and improve my Spanish at the same time. It's been fun, but it is a bit of a chore in the middle, after you've learned the easy bits, but before you can fully enjoy native content.

I'm feeling confident in my long term abilities. I am conducting some operations to gain money and lay the groundwork for organization and while not much is happening in the now I am very optimistic of where my life could be in 1, 5, 10 etc. years. It feels good to feel more like an adult, like the heroes I always aspired to be, and less like a child who doesn't know what they're doing. I still have gaps in my confidence in short term day-to-day scenarios e.g. talking to a merchant at my delivery job and stumbling on a word and overthinking it, but I'm laying groundwork to not be a dweeb and it's not getting at me to the core like it once was.

Also, I felt a nascent distance between myself and my best (and only) friend and it was worrying me about the future. But I talked and it went very well. Confronation and being real is so much less scary and so much more rewarding and less hostile than I think we build up in our heads sometimes. Definitely trying to transition towards being more direct and blunt.

Kudos for the gyming!! As I always tell myself: a fascist worked out today. Gotta keep pace with these fucks 💪 definitely felt good a while back when one of my regular merchants referred to me as "big dog."

I've really been hitting my strides recently, perfecting my routine and getting a lot done. I have a schedule I've been trying to follow but I can't ever seem to get everything done. But I had this sort of apiphany - If I do a little bit of everything on a rotational basis then I can make progress in all areas and not feel like I missed out on something. I feel really productive and don't get burnt out or stuck doing one thing. It's very liberating and I don't feel like I've come up short at the end of the day with what I wanted to do. Also I'm finally joining a ML org so I'm very excited about that :)

Honestly? None. The war continues to ravage my county, I'm sinking deeper and deeper into depression. I don't think I can go on for much longer. I see no future for myself, nothing excites me anymore, every day is a chore and I go to bed hoping I won't have to wake up.