Thoughts and prayers for the one patient for whom it actually was a freak accident
this post was submitted on 09 Sep 2024
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Probably the priest who fell on a potato while cooking naked
How'd you know he was a priest if he was naked?
He was praying when it happened. "Oh my god"
Fun fact: If you actually fell and landed on something with enough force to make it's way inside of you the object would quite literally rip your asshole. When it's a true accident, it's very clear due to the blood loss and whatnot
Reminds me of the episode of Seinfeld when Frank gets a pasta statue stuck up his ass
Million-to-one shot, doc!
If i ever get something stuck up my ass while trying to pleasure myself and need medical help to remove it, I will absolutely try to come up with the most convoluted and ridiculous story for how it got there. Not out of embarrasment, but just to give the ER nurses a good laugh.
Again?
Daily
This sign is bullshit, I accidentally put my prostate massager in my butt all the time, sometimes twice in one day.
who tf putting a key up there?
Sorry, I thought it would unlock it so I could get all the other items out. Guess it was the wrong key though.. ☹️
Did you try jiggling it?
No, it got stuck because it's dark, so I had to look for it with my flashlight.
It jingles when I fart. Also there's this weird squeaky sound.
On an unrelated note, I can't seem to find my rubber duckie...
Where else can you store them while swimming?
Ah the old prison wallet. Classic.
I work in a ER and can assure you people high on meth put all sorts of crazy shit in their butt.
Dare I ask, why? I mean obviously meth addicts aren't known for their shrewd decisions in general, but is there some sensory or cognitive change in particular that compels them to put foreign objects in their butts more than say, alcoholics would?
Mainly the intense drive for sexual stimulation on meth combined with disinhibition and just general bad decision making.
Also curious. Possibly just sex / masturbation getting out of hand with intense stimulants, or maybe meth induced paranoia makes putting something in your ass for safe keeping seem reasonable... Meth heads generally aren't hanging out in the safest conditions.
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I heard about a guy once, who was a POW, and his friend wanted him to keep a watch for his son so he shoved it way up there.
The reference for the younger among us.
...and I got news for you, if someone is trying to get you to pull marbles out their ass, then that's their fetish... Because no one is worried that small marble sized balls won't eventually come out naturally... They're looking to bring attention that they're up there (and possibly to get someone to try to get them out). People are weird.
Given US healthcare, that's gotta be more expensive than a leather fetish.
Speaking from experience? 🤔
Dude, if I have anything up my ass, I'm going to the hospital asap.
"it's going to come out anyway" sounds like Darwin-award last words
"Million to one shot, doc"
It was a fusilli Jerry
"We are discreet. But we also think it's funny."
... that sign ... they just kept it because it seemed funny after they retrieved it from a pacient.
Egg? What if it cracks?!
Fastest salmonella in the west.
It comes out the way it went in 😂
What if it's fertilized?
Scramble it.
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Wait, why an apple?
Because pineapples are a bit trickier, obviously
Especially if there is already a pizza in there - people get rally mad & very political
Why would you ruin a perfectly good pineapple by putting it on pizza when you can ruin it by shoving it up your ass
Relatively smooth, round and 'filling', comes with a convenient stem to hold on to that definitely won't break on extraction
... I can only assume it's like peanut butter with dogs, but you know, for horses.
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Exactly, I don't get the appeal.
Missed the opportunity to put a golden watch on that picture.
I know a medical coder that works exclusively with an ER. Oh the stories I've heard...
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