this post was submitted on 25 Jul 2024
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And Finally...

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“The story, which did not go out on the wire to our customers, didn’t go through our standard editing process. We are looking into how that happened,” AP spokesperson Nicole Meir told The Verge in an email.

News reports (and fact-checks specifically) are often worded in a way that carefully threads a needle — there’s a difference between saying something definitively didn’t happen versus saying there’s no evidence of it. My guess is that the AP headline was the problem here because it claims to debunk something that is unknowable.

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[–] Rentlar@lemmy.ca 139 points 1 year ago (2 children)

AP retracts an article saying that JD Vance didn't fuck a couch. 🤣

[–] Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world 55 points 1 year ago (1 children)

We cannot for certain prove if Mr Vance has indeed conclusively fucked said couch or not. The AP apologizes for providing a potentially inaccurate statement that Mr Vance did not fuck that couch.

[–] bamfic@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

"I did not have sexual relations with that couch" he said

[–] Midnitte@beehaw.org 24 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Many people are saying it.

[–] atro_city@fedia.io 5 points 1 year ago

I've heard that too.

[–] karika@lemmy.world 61 points 1 year ago

I like this part:

But there’s also technically no proof that Vance didn’t have sex with a couch — there’s no way a journalist could truly know that. He just didn’t write about it.

[–] N0body@lemmy.dbzer0.com 52 points 1 year ago (2 children)

We all need to take note that couches are incapable of consent. This was not a loving act. JD Vance raped that couch and who knows how many others.

[–] Hikermick@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

He's remained silent on this issue for far too long. Why is he ducking these allegations?

[–] HumanPenguin@feddit.uk 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Somehow, the soft furnishing #meto campaign failed to get any real traction.

X accessibility options do not take the reasonable requirements of it upholstery limited users seriously.

[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Somehow, the soft furnishing #meto campaign failed to get any real traction.

It's 'cause they've got those fuzzy pads on their legs. Makes 'em slide around.

[–] HumanPenguin@feddit.uk 2 points 1 year ago

Wow blaming victims for the way they dress. Welcome to the 1980s

[–] sxan@midwest.social 47 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Given the questionable state of the media in the US, I kind of wish they'd go all out and just start using Trumpisms.

  • "We have been unable to prove that Trump isn't a pedophile"
  • "We're not saying Vance stole money from orphans' homes, but some people are"

You know, that sort of stuff. It couldn't be worse than 2 weeks talking about Biden's age while ignoring that Trump is only 3 years younger; or jumping on every Biden brain-fart while ignoring Trump's constant stream of incomprehensible mouth diarrhea.

Edit forgot a "t"

[–] BenLeMan@lemmy.world 21 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Some people say he's a pedophile. Good people, the best people. Trust me, believe me.

[–] sxan@midwest.social 4 points 1 year ago

I'm not saying it, but some people are.

[–] WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

They tell me, with tears in their eyes, "Sir," they tell me, "That Vance guy's a pedophile. He's no good." Lots of people are saying it.

[–] psivchaz@reddthat.com 5 points 1 year ago

You got it mixed up. Trump likes young girls, as he said sometimes too young, and is therefore a pedophile. Vance fucks couches, but the age of the couch has not been conclusively determined.

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 35 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I spotted it here but it was already gone from AP's site, so I was wondering what that was all about. Now the removal of the news of the weird denial is now news itself - Newsception!

[–] Pechente@feddit.org 9 points 1 year ago

Yeah it’s making its rounds enough that I had to Google where this originated. It’s hilarious

[–] bazus1@lemmy.world 27 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Does he like them elegant?

Or Sporty?

[–] cowfodder@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

He prefers the first one, cuz if he squints hard enough those windows in the background look like two klansmen watching him go to town, which is the only way he can cum.

[–] HumanPenguin@feddit.uk 8 points 1 year ago

Lol. I have vision issues. So thought it was just me seeing the klansman

[–] NaibofTabr 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)
[–] bazus1@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

TIL JD Vance lived in Vancouver at one point.

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 25 points 1 year ago (3 children)

When I was in high school, a guy devised a sex toy from a rolled up towel, a food service disposable glove, a bed, and lotion. He called his invention a Fifi. We were at a military academy where bad kids with whits-end parents got sent. I wonder what happened to him. Maybe he invented real dolls when he grew up.

[–] Notyou@sopuli.xyz 19 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Haha. I forgot all about a Fifi. I found out about Fifi's while deployed on ship. Glove, towel, lotion, and belt. The belt was to wrap around the towel up so it doesn't unravel in the middle of using it. A couple dudes made them and was showing them to the rest of us. I ended up making one later.

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My brother's best friend was at University in the early nineties and it was the birthdays if one of the guys he shared a house with so they all rushed into his room and shouted "surprise" but they got the surprise as he was humping a cut off shampoo bottle lined with a warm, wet flannel that he'd jammed between his mattress and bedframe.

I imagine they'll eventually find an ancient, improvised Fleshlight at Pompeii because as long as there are have been horny teenagers, there has probably been homemade vaginas.

Pompeii is actually someplace you probably wouldn't find one, considering it was packed with brothels.

[–] Drusas@kbin.run 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

When I was in high school, we carved a hole into some sort of melon and one of my friends took it into the bathroom for $5. I doubt he did anything to it, but who knows. He was like 16.

[–] NineMileTower@lemmy.world 24 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I'm going to start a news website posting articles with absolutely true titles that really sound like they really could have happened. Like this:

"Donald Trump did NOT send a picture he drew of a giraffe to Mokgweetsi Masisi, President of Botswana"

"JD Vance did NOT fornicate with the Ikea LINANÄS Sofa, with chaise/Vissle dark gray"

"Mitch McConnell was NOT the victim of a failed Neuralink attempt from Elon Musk who was trying to communicate with The Mole Men "

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] NineMileTower@lemmy.world 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Maybe I'll start a community. "NotNews"

[–] atro_city@fedia.io 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Do it please. I want to laugh a little.

[–] NineMileTower@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Gotta link it with the exclamation point for people on other instances !notnews@lemmy.world

[–] NineMileTower@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Thanks. I’ma ding dong

[–] Psythik@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Why is it programmed that way?

[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 2 points 1 year ago

I assume it's because different instances are on different domains, so a naive link won't take you to your instance if it's some other one. Like on on ttrpg.network and you're on lemmy.world. for me the link points to https://ttrpg.network/c/notnews@lemmy.world

You could try to parse the link and figure out if it's a Lemmy destination and replace it with your instance, but how would you know? That sounds error prone.

You could have a special syntax for linking to other instances, but that's what the exclamation point thing is.

You could maybe have each lemmy server check if you're signed in somewhere else and redirect you, but that also seems error prone. What if you're signed into two different ones?

I don't work on Lemmy so this is guesswork.

[–] ganksy@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm going to sub my way out of mental illness

[–] NineMileTower@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You can’t spell mental illness without me

[–] Emperor@feddit.uk 6 points 1 year ago

Or "lenient smalls".

[–] atro_city@fedia.io 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Darn, I have to wait for fedia.io to federate. The community can't be found 😢

Edit: just took a while, it work now! !notnews@lemmy.world

[–] homesweethomeMrL@lemmy.world 15 points 1 year ago

Subtext: one of our lazy-ass contributors who only writes garbage about tweets sent in their usual dreck and we rubber-stamped it as we always do. Then somebody rich saw it and asked our director about it, and now it’s all this.

Overt text: shocked_pikachu.jpg

[–] MushuChupacabra@lemmy.world 15 points 1 year ago

Couch Fucker.

[–] dogsnest@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago
[–] Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 4 points 1 year ago

The fucking (ha?) double negatives everywhere in that article make my head spin

[–] DancingBear@midwest.social 3 points 1 year ago

Don’t knock it till you try it first