Everyday, a blowjob, a nice glass of whisky, and a good cigar. A nice desk, made with oak or something.

Also shit tons of money.

And the ability to show up at 10 and leave at 3.

Still interested?

Enough money that I can retire in six months. So idk, like, call it a cool $4M/yr and I'm yours in office for 6 months. Otherwise I guess MAYBE my same salary at somewhere walking distance where I only have to work 3 or 4 days a week at 8 hour days.

My mental health is just so much better working from home. The upside would have to be enough to balance that and realistically nobody is actually going to do that.

This is a question about my past. What made me go back to the office was having not one but two little kids at home. The office is a much more quiet space.

The commute does not bother me much, it’s 12 minutes by bike, half the trip trough forest.

More money. I’d do anything for the right price.

They're going to have to buy me a car and pay for gas and parking before I'll take a job where I'm full time in the office

As everyone else is saying it'd take a significant bump in pay that not only offsets my incurred daily commute expenses but also gives me a meaningful weekly take home increase.

Plus I work better by myself at home where I can control my daily interruptions vs having to put up with annoying coworkers in-person who could just walk into my office whenever they wanted so I feel like going back to an office would impact the quality of my produced work.

Seizing the means of production

I don't have a car, so if I have to go 'back to the office', I will have to use the bus, wake up earlier, and commuting (even with my current employer being 15' away by bus) is still 30 minutes out of my day that I don't want to spend. When I am at home, I can just stand up, play some piano to relax, or have a short shower. Things that help me calm a little bit that I can't do at an office. I also have a better setup than the setup at the company's office, so why bother.

To be honest, as long as companies open remote positions, I don't think I want to go back to any office whatsoever.

• 200k min salary (I'm currently paid 5 figures)
• 4 hour workdays
• 4 day workweek

And this is the single most important piece

let me go home when I'm done with my work

I'll have to go with "a shitload more money." An extra 1.5 hours added to the workday in commute, less time with family, less healthy lunches, less freedom, etc. means it would take a large monetary incentive for it to even be a possibility. Twice my current salary, at least.

Double my salary, then we'll talk.

Desperation or buckets of money.

I'm employed now, and actually pretty happy with my job. It would take a lot of money to get me to work in an office again.

But realistically, a couple months of unemployment would be more than enough to make me jump at any office job that would allow me to live comfortably.

If it was very close, like under 10min bicycling, and if I had my own office room like the director/CEO has. I hate open plan offices with a passion.

Systems Engineer/.Net Developer here. Currently have a super flexible hybrid setup. I work from the office 2-3 days a week. My commute is about 15 minutes when I decide to go to the office.

I like seeing my coworkers, using the awesome conference rooms, free snacks and coffee. Change of scene keeps me focused and motivated.

My main motivation for working where I do is that nobody gives a shit what I'm doing or where I'm working from day to day. We're all professionals working to deliver our projects on time. How we deliver is up to us.

If my boss told me I had to start coming to the office every day at some set time, I'd immediately start searching for a new job.

Fewer total days working for the same salary.

If they said: you can work 5 days/week from home or 3 days/week from the office, I'd pick the office.

Honestly, I don't anything can be appealing enough. If I get desperate, then I would go back, but not really willingly.

My home office is great, I don't need to commute, i can cook and eat proper meals and generally enjoy my workday more.

I cherish my job a lot more (when before I was happy to switch every year). If companies want to retain good employees they’re going to have to adapt to the changes in the market.

Edit: guess I didn’t really answer, I agree with teleporter guy and private office guy. It’s ridiculous to ask people to return to a shared office.

mmmmm i think all my boss would have to do is get on their hands and knees and suck me off to completion in front of god and everyone

that'd get me back in the office for at least 20 minutes or so

Absolutely nothing

Oh, I immediately went back. I don't do well at home, I need to be at the office. Otherwise I'll just nap all day. Also, I like seeing people, I need that daily socialization with co workers in person.

500k salary

Double my pay and cut my hours by 50%

Make it optional for starters, followed by compensation for gas for anyone coming in.

Some things that would make me consider it:

• Free high quality lunches every day
• Transportation compensation in the form of both work time (if the office is poorly located) and monetary compensation for transportation expenses
• Management improvement plan with actions they're taking/implementing to reduce the time they're wasting of laborers on a day-to-day basis
• Alteration of the company structure to force a large percentage (simple majority) of ownership to workers to push back against reactionary and profit-driven anti-labor whims of shareholders
• Services/compensation that complete tasks that previously I could do during downtime at home
• Yearly inflation-pegged CoL raises that apply to every laborer in the company before salary raises are made
• Massive investment in in-office employee training programs in the form of role-based training that is chosen by laborers in that particular role/function

If every single one of these things were implemented I would then still probably leave the place for another WFH job if we didn't use our new ownership powers to revert back to WFH immediately.

A complete disregard of my health and safety

Oh wait, that already happened years ago

5x pay.

I never really left the office. I had a 6 week stint working from home and then we were recalled. I'm in public safety so we were directly involved in the pandemic response.

I sometimes have to. Not because someone tells me to, but because my physical presence is actually needed.

Sometimes I have to fly in from my middle-of-nowhere home office because whatever system I was troubleshooting wasn't fixable via VPN. And said system can be anywhere in the world, so it doesn't really matter where I live.

So returning to an office based work location? Yeah, that ain't happening..

Triple my salary would be my minimum requirement to offset the additional freedom and lack of commute that I’d have to give up. I’d be spending less time with my family and I won’t give that up for anything less than triple my current pay.

TLDR: I would friggin' love to be back in the office for a couple days a week. Would probably never do onsite every day for any boss but myself again.

I've experienced both pure remote and hybrid remote, as well as existing for about 45 years in a world where remote work was a mythical thing you heard about but only saw on television. Even at the time that my office was 1.5 hours drive each way, I absolutely loved when I was a Sysadmin and spent three days a week at home and two at the office.

Covid came and I got full time remote for close to two years and I really did hate it, especially since when it started I was in the first couple months of a new role I had been promoted to with no experience - had I not built up a lot of love from my employer in the previous role (the promotion happened for reasons, basically I had scripted my job down to nothing at all so it was kind of a freebie for them) I would have busted out but they basically let me coast and learn whatever I could for the duration, before going under.

Had I been able to be in the office and work alongside my new teammates in that role, I would today be much further along in my career arc. I'm still doing okay, but it would have been so much better to have been in the same room with them. And as it happens, my current job is also fully remote and my employer is great but based in a different city, so at the moment unless I move halfway across the continent I'm stuck fully remote. And I like my employer, have no interest in leaving, and I think they like me, even in my current state, so probably I'm stuck there for good. Boohoo lol.

I do realize that my problems are non-problems, in actuality; I'm doing fine. But if I had my druthers I'd be going into an office and standing around the coffee machine for small chats and eating the free croissants they give out on Wednesdays. I'm not very social and those little interactions, from which one had a constant "gotta get to work" excuse to dip out at will, were just the perfect level of socialization for me, really. Going to the office is not remotely all bad, really.

But I also remember being power tripped on and micromanaged by various scumbags, so when I see these corporate fuckwits demanding everyone just make things like they used to be, I know what they're trying to do, so in the end I think if the job is doable remotely, it's up to the individual whether they want to go in, and in the long term employers are just gonna have to figure out how to handle that equitably. One instant thought I had was, pay a premium for onsite roles, or for hours done onsite. If it's really that crucial to operations that will be a sound strategy, just the cost of doing business.

I've already voluntarily started going to the office. My company does not require it, nor does it gain me any particular favors with the company for doing so - either in-office, full remote or anything in-between is allowed.

I've decided to do so because, frankly, our office is out of the world. The amount of free shit I get there on a daily basis straight up rules. The office staff puts on frequent events which I enjoy attending, I get to meet and interact with other people in person as opposed to sitting around in my apartment all day, I'm in the city near all the good food options. There's a whole lot of perks to going in to the office for me, and not a whole lot of negatives.

Some negatives and my reasoning around them:

• I have to wake up a bit earlier in order to get ready for work. This does indeed suck a bit.
• I spend more on food buying lunch from restaurants in the city as opposed to eating leftovers. I see this a bit as a plus, as I get to experience great food made by professionals every day.
• I have to spend some money on transporting myself to the office. It's not a whole lot - public transportation is excellent where I live - but I've mitigated this further by commuting by bicycle, which affords me some quality exercise on the commute, and some great podcast listening time.
• My less flexible schedule affords me less good opportunities for strength exercise. I'm still working on fixing this problem, but right now the bicycle gives me what I consider to be more than enough exercise, all in all.

All in all, I'm happy with my choice. I spent a lot of time working remote during the pandemic, and weighed the upsides and downsides, and going to the office came out on top in the end. I understand that this is not for everyone, and I think everyone that wants to work remotely should get to keep doing so. Hopefully others afford me the same respect in my choice!

Walking distance from the office. And doesn't mean I'll relocate to a 1 bedroom apartment just to be next to the office.

I go in freely 3 days a week. I'm in a role that is focused on relationship building and collaboration (product management/leadership) and find I do much higher quality work when I'm in the office.

I still have enough solo work to do for the two days i am at home.

Having said that, I'm compensated quite well and enjoy the country driving to the office as it allows me to listen to audio books uninterrupted and decompress after work.