askchapo

I took a bunch of acid freaked out, yelled at a bunch of random strangers that I want to drop nuclear bombs on Europe.

Then I went home felt better did even more acid and went for a walk in the woods

I was crying a lot last week from various things, but I'm doing okay right this moment. Making that book club thread lifted a huge burden of irrational guilt from my shoulders and I'm talking to multiple women on the apps right now, so there is potential for things that aren't pain in my life. Might actually get some sleep tonight, too.

I'm too tired to really talk about anything rn but just wanted to say hi, hoping you can find something better to do then AI-sludge sorting work

Just to some music rn

I fucking hate Israel. My fucking job (that keeps cutting my hours) gets product from them. My boss came up with a "fun challenge" today where we're given little beads if we talk to customers, just the most asinine, baby-brained stuff. They keep erasing my "FREE PALESTINE" graffiti in the toilet, so I'm slowly, day by day, carving it into the stall so that they can't take it off.

I can't avenge them, I can't avenge the Palestinians, I'm a coward, but at least carved in plastic will be my way of coping with the suffering.

I'm glad the AI thing is working out for you, and that you've got leads on jobs! Is your partner excited about their new job?

I'm having a hard time with my kid and my extended family, separate problems.

My family is pressuring me to use my medical marijuana card to buy them gummies etc, but I don't want to because I don't want to risk getting caught and then losing my ability to get my Adderall prescription, and also, they all qualify for their own medical cards anyway. Why it's a better solution for me to endanger my ability to get the medicine that's keeping me sane than for them to do some paperwork, idfk.

My kid just really seems to be going through a time of particularly disliking me, which I know is just a teenager thing, but it is hard. We were having a silly conversation last week about what kind of plants we would be, and I said I would be moss because I just want to take care of things and be a soft blanket that keeps the ground moist so other things can sprout. He said I'm a cactus, because I don't need much care, I'm prickly, but I'm pretty to look at. 😭 It's been a week, and I'm still not over it, especially since he keeps getting pissy with me about stuff, and I'm trying so hard to just be chill and understanding while he's snapping at me, and all I can think is, "I'm a cactus. I'm a fucking cactus."

💔 probably shouldn't have typed this up, because now I'm crying, which is no way to start the day! 🤦

Anyway, if I think I'm moss but everyone sees me as a cactus, it would explain a lot about my dealings with other people and why I have such a hard time with friends etc. The possibility has really done my head in.

I'll get over it eventually.

I'm vacilating between doomlike anxiety and feeling just fine and kind of cool. On one hand i really need a real job because my costs of living outpace the sidework I've been doing and my savings will only last so long and also all my friends are getting married and/or becoming increasingly unrelatable treatlords... but on the other hand I found a lot of cool mushrooms on my last hike and I've lost ten pounds over the last month basically by binge drinking marginally less.

Congrats on the job dawg, can't wait for you to catch up so you can take it at least a little easier. Good luck with the interviews too.

the grueling job search continues, but my depressed mood seems to be on the upswing

real bad

Mental health is better (I blame the extra hours of sunshine and warmer temperatures), but anxiety has me waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'll have my first state-paid therapy session next week, so hopefully that will help.

I should get sleep but I might have to do some contract work in a bit.

It's 2 PM smh. It's job interview day. No idea how it'll go.

Work is driving me mad. I want to quit but have nothing to fall back on and the tech market is ass and the genocide is demotivating me from wanting to do anything. But that's been in the back of my head for months so I'm learning to manage and revolutionary optimism/organizing is keeping me afloat. It's just this damn job in the way.

My ongoing manga series keep me afloat too 🥳 something to regularly look forward to.

Made a recipe/dish that I'd had an intention towards for a few months.

Multiple conflicts have cleared up, largely under my supervision. But other than that, I haven't been accomplishing much, other than doing a lot of dishes.

My savings account is starting to run low, and I know there are a few different things I could do about it. Most likely getting a 25-30 hours/week entry-level job, which would be neither difficult to get nor rough on me, and I could go back to being not so anal about money.