okmatewanker

Comes in two flavours:

• nicest guy you've ever met, will drop everything to help you fix something and will come with a pack of beer, will laugh at the smallest thing, making everyone's day better
• ~~worst racist you've ever met, homophobe, transphobe, misogynistic asshole who kicks cats and raises pitbulls for dogfights, hates his children, his wife and his neighbours~~

ETA: missed the 'not racist', sorry. Truly a legend then.

These lads come in two kinds:

• The strongest man alive: The person you get when you book a moving service. Is somehow able to move your fridge, washing machine and brick collection in one go. Makes you think about going to the gym despite them looking like they've never been to one.
• The human tortoise: The single most inflexible person to ever live. They fell on their back once and all four emergence services had to come out for the rescue.

American checking in. This reminds me of one of my favorite English memes, where that pensioner put a gull on ice for stealing his fries. Shouldn't 'av pinched me chip, simple as

I thought the second photo was the head from the top, and had a hole in it. I wondered about the type of person with holes or prominent dimples in their skull and why it was so often it’s enough to be a meme.

And then I studied further and it revealed itself as a tummy.

Where is his large drum that he hits when goals are needed to be scored

Ledge.