this post was submitted on 10 May 2024
801 points (97.6% liked)

Greentext

7316 readers
389 users here now

This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
801
Anon makes money (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) by RmDebArc_5@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] gigachad@sh.itjust.works 163 points 2 years ago (3 children)
[–] morphballganon@lemmy.world 63 points 2 years ago

Thank you, was going to request this

[–] ThePyroPython@lemmy.world 51 points 2 years ago

Too many pixels, I can't read it.

[–] Annoyed_Crabby@monyet.cc 44 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 59 points 2 years ago (2 children)
[–] FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io 21 points 2 years ago

Needs more compression!

[–] Socsa@sh.itjust.works 126 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Get stabbed

Bleed out in a literal gutter

$800 tho

[–] FilthyShrooms@lemmy.world 58 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Fun trick! Don't try in America!

[–] mrgreyeyes@feddit.nl 14 points 2 years ago (3 children)

Do Americans even know how to ride a bicycle?

[–] riodoro1@lemmy.world 11 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Yes, but they don’t know how to change gears.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] kungen@feddit.nu 8 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Inexperienced, but possible. If only bikes worked the same way as America's best anti-theft measure: a car with manual transmission.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 58 points 2 years ago

This anon is white

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 51 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I remember there was some guy who installed spyware on a phone that couldn't be wiped off by normal means. Stuff that gave him remote camera access, location, file access, everything. Then he got that phone stolen and made a documentary about this dude's life.

[–] Zomg@lemmy.world 19 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I remember that, he installed it as a system app and would persist through a factory reset

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 13 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I think it was baked into the OS somehow (probably what you said). He disabled system updates as well so the OS didn't wipe. The only way it could have been removed was flashing the OS, but you'd have to find out it was there to begin with.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Legend@lemmy.sdf.org 10 points 2 years ago

Can someone share that video or article or whatever it is .

[–] herrwoland@lemmy.world 48 points 2 years ago (2 children)

It's all fun and games till the person who stole your bike has a weapon, or is bigger than you and has friends with them

[–] papalonian@lemmy.world 39 points 2 years ago (12 children)

I'll take $75 of my profits and buy a shit new bike whenever someone I can't beat up takes it

(I cannot beat up many people. I would not profit from this model.)

load more comments (12 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] BeigeAgenda@lemmy.ca 43 points 2 years ago
[–] KISSmyOSFeddit@lemmy.world 27 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

That's just robbery with extra steps.
AKA police work.

[–] magnetosphere@fedia.io 23 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] Hugh_Jeggs@lemm.ee 94 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Answer - yes you DO need to clean under your foreskin

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 62 points 2 years ago (1 children)

but then all the flavor is gone

[–] Vilian@lemmy.ca 25 points 2 years ago (2 children)

just suck it yourself before cleaning duh

[–] iiGxC@slrpnk.net 15 points 2 years ago

Or jar it up

[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 years ago (2 children)

YouTube video on how to do?

[–] vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 9 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Step 1: Remove lower ribs

Step 2: ???

Step 3: Suck

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] elxeno@lemm.ee 4 points 2 years ago

Best i can do is a wikihow screenshot

[–] suction@lemmy.world 19 points 2 years ago (5 children)

I understand the “kick a dude’s ass and take their wallet” part, but not why we need the bike with gps prelude

[–] CapeWearingAeroplane@sopuli.xyz 29 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I believe there's a quote by "Taco" in"Better call Saul" along the lines of "I love robbing criminals, because they never go to the cops"

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works 23 points 2 years ago (2 children)

It's to make sure the victim deserves it.

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 9 points 2 years ago

Lemmy needs an out of context quotes community.

[–] suction@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

Ah now it makes total sense!

[–] unreasonabro@lemmy.world 7 points 2 years ago (1 children)

i guess you really do suck then lol

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] ameancow@lemmy.world 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Seriously, it's just mugging. The bicycle part is a whole separate issue, if you do this you're just mugging people. Same crime, same potential legal consequences, same potential for getting a sharpened screwdriver in your kidney.

[–] Entropywins@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

Kidney thing happened to you too, huh...

[–] RegalPotoo@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago

The bike thief is probably less likely to go to the police? Idk

[–] FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io 12 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] swab148@startrek.website 27 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Enh, repeatable fetch quests are boring.

[–] Saledovil@sh.itjust.works 11 points 2 years ago

It's a bounty hunting quest, though.

[–] ryathal@sh.itjust.works 7 points 2 years ago

Criminals can't call the cops...

load more comments
view more: next ›