this post was submitted on 10 May 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] gigachad@sh.itjust.works 163 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[–] morphballganon@lemmy.world 63 points 1 year ago

Thank you, was going to request this

[–] ThePyroPython@lemmy.world 51 points 1 year ago

Too many pixels, I can't read it.

[–] Annoyed_Crabby@monyet.cc 44 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 59 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io 21 points 1 year ago

Needs more compression!

[–] Socsa@sh.itjust.works 126 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Get stabbed

Bleed out in a literal gutter

$800 tho

[–] FilthyShrooms@lemmy.world 58 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Fun trick! Don't try in America!

[–] mrgreyeyes@feddit.nl 14 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Do Americans even know how to ride a bicycle?

[–] riodoro1@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yes, but they don’t know how to change gears.

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[–] kungen@feddit.nu 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Inexperienced, but possible. If only bikes worked the same way as America's best anti-theft measure: a car with manual transmission.

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[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 58 points 1 year ago

This anon is white

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 51 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I remember there was some guy who installed spyware on a phone that couldn't be wiped off by normal means. Stuff that gave him remote camera access, location, file access, everything. Then he got that phone stolen and made a documentary about this dude's life.

[–] Zomg@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I remember that, he installed it as a system app and would persist through a factory reset

[–] Flax_vert@feddit.uk 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I think it was baked into the OS somehow (probably what you said). He disabled system updates as well so the OS didn't wipe. The only way it could have been removed was flashing the OS, but you'd have to find out it was there to begin with.

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[–] Legend@lemmy.sdf.org 10 points 1 year ago

Can someone share that video or article or whatever it is .

[–] herrwoland@lemmy.world 48 points 1 year ago (2 children)

It's all fun and games till the person who stole your bike has a weapon, or is bigger than you and has friends with them

[–] papalonian@lemmy.world 39 points 1 year ago (12 children)

I'll take $75 of my profits and buy a shit new bike whenever someone I can't beat up takes it

(I cannot beat up many people. I would not profit from this model.)

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[–] BeigeAgenda@lemmy.ca 43 points 1 year ago
[–] KISSmyOSFeddit@lemmy.world 27 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

That's just robbery with extra steps.
AKA police work.

[–] magnetosphere@fedia.io 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Hugh_Jeggs@lemm.ee 94 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Answer - yes you DO need to clean under your foreskin

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 62 points 1 year ago (1 children)

but then all the flavor is gone

[–] Vilian@lemmy.ca 25 points 1 year ago (2 children)

just suck it yourself before cleaning duh

[–] iiGxC@slrpnk.net 15 points 1 year ago

Or jar it up

[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 year ago (2 children)

YouTube video on how to do?

[–] vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Step 1: Remove lower ribs

Step 2: ???

Step 3: Suck

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[–] elxeno@lemm.ee 4 points 1 year ago

Best i can do is a wikihow screenshot

[–] suction@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago (5 children)

I understand the “kick a dude’s ass and take their wallet” part, but not why we need the bike with gps prelude

[–] CapeWearingAeroplane@sopuli.xyz 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I believe there's a quote by "Taco" in"Better call Saul" along the lines of "I love robbing criminals, because they never go to the cops"

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[–] Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works 23 points 1 year ago (2 children)

It's to make sure the victim deserves it.

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 year ago

Lemmy needs an out of context quotes community.

[–] suction@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Ah now it makes total sense!

[–] unreasonabro@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

i guess you really do suck then lol

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[–] ameancow@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Seriously, it's just mugging. The bicycle part is a whole separate issue, if you do this you're just mugging people. Same crime, same potential legal consequences, same potential for getting a sharpened screwdriver in your kidney.

[–] Entropywins@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Kidney thing happened to you too, huh...

[–] RegalPotoo@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

The bike thief is probably less likely to go to the police? Idk

[–] FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] swab148@startrek.website 27 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Enh, repeatable fetch quests are boring.

[–] Saledovil@sh.itjust.works 11 points 1 year ago

It's a bounty hunting quest, though.

[–] ryathal@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 year ago

Criminals can't call the cops...

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