this post was submitted on 16 Apr 2024
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the_dunk_tank

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It's the dunk tank.

This is where you come to post big-brained hot takes by chuds, libs, or even fellow leftists, and tear them to itty-bitty pieces with precision dunkstrikes.

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Sorry for posting something from last year but I just stumbled upon it and it's just too chefs-kiss not to share, made me laugh multiple times.

Bonus reply:

top 40 comments
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[–] SadSadSatellite@lemmy.dbzer0.com 54 points 1 year ago (2 children)

"My side of history is american men and women disabled by an IED"

Wonder why they were where IEDs were an issue. Wonder if they got all the support they needed when they came back.

Weird thing to be proud of.

[–] EmoThugInMyPhase@hexbear.net 20 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Americans are a weird breed. They openly acknowledge and lament about how their boys in green are blown up or have voices in their minds after coming back from war and getting no help. Then they sign up their children and their children’s children into the military and voluntarily continue the tradition of getting blown up without any help.

It’s also funny he ridicules anxiety. How much you wanna bet he complains about veterans getting PTSD? “Ummm just grow some balls tough guy. They’re just fireworks you snowflake!”

[–] BelieveRevolt@hexbear.net 17 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

They're real proud of getting owned in Vietnam, Afghanistan and Iraq.

[–] JoeByeThen@hexbear.net 47 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Lmao, bunch of slaveholders and racists and in the middle: MLK. data-laughing

[–] Dirt_Owl@hexbear.net 43 points 1 year ago

My side is Thomas Edison

Of course it is

[–] TreadOnMe@hexbear.net 40 points 1 year ago (2 children)

How the fuck are you both condemning draft dodging, and celebrating Monet, a draft-dodger? I know there are more egregious ones, but this one is just utterly baffling.

[–] corgiwithalaptop@hexbear.net 42 points 1 year ago

Imagine thinking draft dodging is bad lmfao

[–] barrbaric@hexbear.net 28 points 1 year ago

Slaveowners and freeing the slaves too. A brain like a spongecake.

[–] Guamer@hexbear.net 37 points 1 year ago

I like how instead of just saying Mao himself, he mentions his book instead

[–] PKMKII@hexbear.net 34 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I think my favorite part is the attributing of Jefferson Davis to the Dems as some gotcha but also putting a bunch of slave owners on “his side.” And “Tories who fled to Canada”? What? Both of those comedians endorsed Biden to boot. This is pure ass, vibes-based, “everything that makes me feel fuzzy must be on my side” juvenile thinking.

hold on, i've just recieved a telegram... apparently some "tories" are in fact "conservative." not sure what that means. anyway.

[–] corgiwithalaptop@hexbear.net 32 points 1 year ago (3 children)

For some reason my brain is focused on the brisket vs coffee line.

Like.....homie, what?

[–] KimJongGoku@hexbear.net 29 points 1 year ago

It makes more sense when you consider that one of the core issues this guy's audience has is never hearing back from your children when you invite them to barbecue.

[–] Ideology@hexbear.net 27 points 1 year ago

bridget-pride-stay-mad You can't have her, conservatives.

conservatives will loudly proclaim how much they love meat to virtue signal their manliness

[–] Philosoraptor@hexbear.net 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My side of history is Mel Brooks

Pretty sure Mel Brooks would disagree with that.

[–] TechnoUnionTypeBeat@hexbear.net 11 points 1 year ago

But Mel Brooks did a movie where they said the N-word a lot, so that basically means he's a conservative!

[–] SkingradGuard@hexbear.net 29 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Liberals are apparently both communists and liberals at the same time according to the hog flavour of liberal.

Western politics is just pure brainworms, no thoughts, just pure vibes and rage programmed into them by the mass media.

[–] EmoThugInMyPhase@hexbear.net 16 points 1 year ago

Just like how Americans have accidentally convinced themselves that the propaganda of the USSR being only Russian is true, the liberals have accidentally convinced themselves that the propaganda of them being leftist and socialists is true - they keep calling themselves socialist and citing Sweden or Canada or Denmark as examples of socialist states lol

[–] nightshade@hexbear.net 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My side of history is William F. Buckley ... Martin Luther King

In the 1950s and early 1960s, Buckley opposed federal civil rights legislation and expressed support for continued racial segregation in the South
(...)
Buckley visited South Africa in the 1960s on several paid fact-finding missions in which he distributed publications that supported the South African government's policy of apartheid.

[–] EmoThugInMyPhase@hexbear.net 13 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Conservatives have to force themselves to pretend to like MLK because he’s a universal American hero and they cannot directly say they opposed his beliefs. But other conservatives may literally only grew up learning about his “I have a dream speech,” and only care about the whole “judging by one’s character” line and nothing more. I think he was also a republican, so they have no choice but to say they like him as well as Lincoln because they want to monopolize the “anti racism” discussion

He is quite literally their one black friend that they always bring up unprompted to excuse their racist behavior

[–] ObamnaSoda@hexbear.net 24 points 1 year ago (2 children)

The song 'My Dick' but political

[–] ShimmeringKoi@hexbear.net 28 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My dick

Attached to a tankie

Yo dick

Voting and cranky

dangerously close to reiterating a /pol/ meme from 2012 from the opposite direction

[–] NewLeaf@hexbear.net 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)

How can conservatives claim half of that stuff?

[–] DragonBallZinn@hexbear.net 17 points 1 year ago

To most of the country. Conservatism just means goodism and leftism just means badism.

[–] Llituro@hexbear.net 17 points 1 year ago

eugh, liberals are so melodramatic

[–] ShimmeringKoi@hexbear.net 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

They've discovered 2017 libposting, we're cooked

[–] HumanBehaviorByBjork@hexbear.net 18 points 1 year ago (2 children)

honestly it's a solid post concept, say every good thing is because of your beliefs and every bad thing is because of the other guy's beliefs. tried and true formula. if he had only only edited it to maybe a third of the length, dropping the weaker lines and improving the pacing, this could have been some effective slam poetry for idiots. unfortunately it's too apparent that he overcommitted to the first draft.

[–] blakeus12@hexbear.net 12 points 1 year ago

communism's achievements:

peace, medicine, vaccines, warm weather, the human emotion of joy, dogs, cats, ducks, pre-enshittified internet, gps

capitalism's achievements:

death, hunger, pestilence, disease, famine, sadness, anxiety, crumbs in your bed, whatever the fuck sleet is (seriously that's the worst weather), people who put no seasoning on their eggs

see? we win.

[–] BelieveRevolt@hexbear.net 10 points 1 year ago

It'd be much better and more coherent without the ”soy latte, so much gender, safe spaces” cliches, but they just have to pander to the audience that thinks this is peak humor.

my side of history is that fish that swims into ur peehole when you wade in the shallows of the amazon river

[–] Thordros@hexbear.net 11 points 1 year ago

I didn't know that Samuel Richardson had a Xitter Xccount.

[–] regul@hexbear.net 10 points 1 year ago

Loving was a unanimous decision. Over half the judges on the court were appointed by FDR, Truman, or Kennedy.

[–] Runcible@hexbear.net 8 points 1 year ago

Fuck dude, I've read shorter novels

[–] Rom@hexbear.net 8 points 1 year ago
[–] Sphere@hexbear.net 7 points 1 year ago

I had to stop reading partway through when my brain started to hurt trying to parse it

[–] AMDIsOurLord@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The fuck is their problem with Woodrow Wilson of all people lmfao

[–] CTHlurker@hexbear.net 3 points 1 year ago

He was a democrat and (depending on the specific brainworms of the guy in question, also an "internationalist", rather than a based nationalist). It's dumb as hell, but clearly this guy isn't very bright to begin with.