this post was submitted on 30 May 2024
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So I might've fucked up last night. There's a reoccurring theme of me just making the dumbest freaking mistakes these last couple of weeks, i dunno whats wrong with me. I'll throw in a NSFW and spoiler for the mistake part. Heads up dont read this one at work.
So the mrs and I had a bit of a heart to heart last night, kiddo went down early enough that we weren't both too stuffed to talk. i had a bit of a breakdown, said some tough stuff that was hard to say she gave me a big hug, after a few minute I told her we had to stop cause I knew what was gonna happen (not that I didn't want to, just didn't wanna cheapen the moment with the pants off dance, ya know). Anyway, this next part is super graphic. I'll tidy up the language as much as possible but feel free to skip.
NSFW spoiler here
She says she doesn't mind. So we go to bed. I.... uhhh, "suit up for the occasion" as is required at the moment. We get going, and I express my dissatisfaction with the "armour" I was "wearing" . She says I dont have to if I dont want to. I say "are you sure? isnt there a risk?" She says "I'm not worried". so knowing full well it was a mistake, but not having the blood to operate my brain properly... I take it off.And this is where I cant help but feel a bit... baited? I dunno. Let me clear it takes 2 to tango, I'm the one that took "it" off. Its 100% on me. But she did EVERY trick in the book to make sure I "arrived". It felt like it was a competition to make sure the finale happened. Ultimately, I... uhhh, "deployed the troops elsewhere", at least 99% sure I did in time. Given we needed IVF the first time I'm not SUPER worried. It was great to reconnect, been a while since that happened, but its left me with more questions that answers.
Was she actually trying to make sure i "deployed the expeditionary forces in the target country"? Why now? Why do we suddenly not care now? Was I getting used? Or was she trying to reconnect like i was? Why the F did I take the risk? Am I really not that smart? or just super into potentially self sabotaging? Is this all actually a big deal? or is my anxiety just taking me for a fucking ride?
EDIT: Maybe this would have been more appropriate on a Relationship advice sub, apologies.
Discussion of contraception
She may not have intended anything sus by it, it may have been a conciliatory gesture. But I understand the concern during a rough patch. It might put your mind at ease to actively prevent any surprises until you know what the plan is.I guess continue using a barrier method from here on in and note that you are still within the 72 hour window for her to take Plan B. If taken within 24 hours it's even more effective. Hit up the chemist asap.
If you want to be doubly sure in future there are long acting reversible contraceptives for women such as Depo Provera injections or Implanon. But if you don't want to ask her to do this or want to be completely sure that a procedure has actually been carried out - then the patent for Vasalgel (reversible alternative to vasectomy) has been bought and is projected to be available in 2026 under the name Plan A.
Yeah I hope so. I cant believe she is the type to be that manipulative. I honestly have a hard time believe ANYONE could do that to another person. Sure, you hear stories, but Ive never heard of it happening to someone I know.
I might talk to her tonight and just get a clearer picture of her expectations re having another kid. I'm pretty sure she'll say "lets weather the current storm and see where things land" and that'll put my mind at ease.
I did see that injectable contraception for dudes. I didnt know it was so close!