this post was submitted on 30 May 2024
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So I might've fucked up last night. There's a reoccurring theme of me just making the dumbest freaking mistakes these last couple of weeks, i dunno whats wrong with me. I'll throw in a NSFW and spoiler for the mistake part. Heads up dont read this one at work.
So the mrs and I had a bit of a heart to heart last night, kiddo went down early enough that we weren't both too stuffed to talk. i had a bit of a breakdown, said some tough stuff that was hard to say she gave me a big hug, after a few minute I told her we had to stop cause I knew what was gonna happen (not that I didn't want to, just didn't wanna cheapen the moment with the pants off dance, ya know). Anyway, this next part is super graphic. I'll tidy up the language as much as possible but feel free to skip.
NSFW spoiler here
She says she doesn't mind. So we go to bed. I.... uhhh, "suit up for the occasion" as is required at the moment. We get going, and I express my dissatisfaction with the "armour" I was "wearing" . She says I dont have to if I dont want to. I say "are you sure? isnt there a risk?" She says "I'm not worried". so knowing full well it was a mistake, but not having the blood to operate my brain properly... I take it off.And this is where I cant help but feel a bit... baited? I dunno. Let me clear it takes 2 to tango, I'm the one that took "it" off. Its 100% on me. But she did EVERY trick in the book to make sure I "arrived". It felt like it was a competition to make sure the finale happened. Ultimately, I... uhhh, "deployed the troops elsewhere", at least 99% sure I did in time. Given we needed IVF the first time I'm not SUPER worried. It was great to reconnect, been a while since that happened, but its left me with more questions that answers.
Was she actually trying to make sure i "deployed the expeditionary forces in the target country"? Why now? Why do we suddenly not care now? Was I getting used? Or was she trying to reconnect like i was? Why the F did I take the risk? Am I really not that smart? or just super into potentially self sabotaging? Is this all actually a big deal? or is my anxiety just taking me for a fucking ride?
EDIT: Maybe this would have been more appropriate on a Relationship advice sub, apologies.
I think you're over thinking this. She probably just wanted you to be aroused therefore she's aroused because skin on skin contact with the one you love is arousing.
When you start to think your partner has ulterior motives then that's something you really need to work on together or let go of those thoughts.
Also when your partner says "I don't really like putting the rain coat on" it's kind of a turn off. Tough. We don't really want to feel it either but it is what it is.
Yeah, I think maybe my anxiety is taking me for a ride.
I feel like I should clarify so I don't sound like a total asshole here: the rain coat was my idea. the REQUIREMENT was my idea. I was happy to take responsibility cause it left us in a position to start trying when we decided to. Originally the plan to start trying soon. I'm happy to take responsibility for cleaning up my mess so to speak, and I'll be more than happy to go get the snip the second we decide we're done. It was certainly not a "I hate this and wish you didn't force me into it". More a tongue in cheek "Why did I think this was a good idea?". hence the surprise when she said "well, dont then!"
I don't think you're an arsehole. These are decisions that couples have to make through out their relationship. It doesn't matter whose idea it was, if that's what was decided then you need to stick to it.
Yeah I agree with CEO here. Don't forget that both partners are equally likely to get carried away in the moment, seek more intimacy and closeness and make the same dumb mistakes. If there's no history of manipulation then I would err on the side of thinking you both just made the same in-the-moment call. Breathe. Its ok. There's a lot of big emotions and tiredness over there.
That's why it's important to make decisions outside of the bedroom and stick to them.