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"I miss the comfort in being sad." (hexbear.net)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by Angel@hexbear.net to c/chat@hexbear.net

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[CW: Mentions of Bigotry and Violence]

This Kurt Cobain lyric is analogous to what I feel when people aren't bigoted to me. Yeah, on one hand, it feels good to have people affirm things like, "No, Angel, you shouldn't be considered less human just because of your intersections," but on the other hand, I'm so unfamiliar with people saying this kinda of stuff that it's more calming for people to say something like, "Angel, I want to beat the shit out of you for you being this way." The former makes me cry a lot because I'm not used to hearing that whereas I'm very familiar with having tons of hate directed at me. It's really rough navigating these feelings.

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[–] ratboy@hexbear.net 8 points 1 year ago

meow-hug That's the thing with trauma; your whole world is built up around fucked up shit, so when you're finally treated with real love and kindness it can feel disorienting, uncomfortable, unsafe even....where once you're subjected to the trauma again, that's what feels like home since that's always been a constant companion. I remember being in a counseling session and having my therapist tell me "YOU ARE NORMAL. The circumstances you were put through weren't" and I just busted our crying. It is tough to parse through but I hope that you are given the love that you deserve and that you can accept it, even a teeny bit, one day.