Look, we all do it. We sit down on the shitter, we pull out our phones to wait out the oncoming storm from last nights 5 bean chili, and we think "I know what I'll do. I'll make a series of posts on Hexbear dot net and they'll all be bad." I get it, and I appreciate the sudden influx of throw away sensible chuckle kind of posts that we've all come to love and enjoy.

But here's the thing. Doing this primarily when you're taking a dump is bad opsec. Think rationally about it for a bit. There's a lot you can learn about someone from their dookie behaviors. Assuming you're fairly regular, the FBI can infer what timezone you're in. They can determine if you're a coffee loafer, or if you instead prefer the slower more gentle rollout that tea provides. They can look at flush statistics in your area and using pinpoint accuracy from their crackshot data science teams they can figure out who you are based on this behavior.

But maybe you're living a caffeine free lifestyle off the grid. There's still the increase in cellular activity that corresponds with enhanced badposting. Using this data alongside septic tank truck cleanout schedules they're going to find you out. You can't lay brick like that without the FBI finding out, they'll know. They always know.

So okay, we've established that the FBI always knows when you're taking a break to meet with a man. That's unavoidable. They know. They always know.

What you do need to do is avoid linking your code brown activities to your Hexbear account. There's way too much personal information involved. So you need to ensure, for good opsec, that you're throwing the FBI off their game. It's OK to badpost while you're dropping a deuce once in a while, don't get me wrong. But you've gotta throw them off sometimes. Do you empty the chocolate starfish out at 11:45 local time every day? No worries. Once in a while go ahead and badpost right when you get outta bed, or make a big spree of absolutely dumbass comments at 3:24 local time instead during your union mandated smoke break. You've gotta stay unpredictable. They can predict when it's crap thirty, they're already going to know. So just make sure you do your best to avoid linking your Hexbear behavior to this coveted personal activity.

This high quality effortpost brought to you by beanis gang