Lemmy Be Wholesome
Welcome to Lemmy Be Wholesome. This is the polar opposite of LemmeShitpost. Here you can post wholesome memes, palate cleanser and good vibes.
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All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules.~~___~~___
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I used to work with two guys I called "Tall Todd" and "Tall Paul". Both were really smart and part of our IT department. Both in shape-ish, skinny, very tall.
Paul was conventionally hot - his side job was modeling, he made money at it and I did once unexpectedly see him on a national advertisement. Hot, you understand? He was nice, friendly, I wasn't attracted to him but could see he was physically really good looking, and was outgoing and pleasant, creative guy, good Halloween costumes.
Tall Todd wasn't good looking like that, and had the additional baggage of being named Todd, but had this way of existing in the world that was just so comfortable and made you feel comfortable. I think when people say confidence this is what they mean - not cockiness but this self acceptance. He was just so attractive without being physically attractive - he wasn't ugly exactly but unremarkable in looks. But goodness he was attractive in real life. Magnetic.
I do not know how people get that sort of confidence but it's not by being really good looking.
People absolutely get that kind of confidence by being really good looking...
What you found was an outlier, a unicorn. It happens but that in no way changes reality.
You can also get that kind of confidence by not worrying about where you fall on the attractiveness scale. I like to think I'm that way. If I wanted to I could definitely pick out things that might make me ugly, but I don't worry about it. I care more about the interactions I have with people than I do about how I physically look. The only things about my appearance that give me a degree of confidence are just things that amuse me, like that I always wear the same color scheme or that my normal and facial hair differ in color and texture.
I can think of at least two of my friends who also share the quality of being comfortable and self accepting despite not being physically attractive, and I really enjoy being friends with them.
I guess my appearance is just otherworldly towards ugliness..
Where'd you get that from?
Because I have hard time ignoring my appearance issues because people bring it up so often. I cannot comprehend being able to ignore those..
Who's bringing up your appearance issues? Friends? Family? Bullies? Strangers in the street?
Ofc not families, but social peers and strangers bring these up. I don't have friends.. Maybe so many people are just bullies?
That seems... quite odd to me. Are you in grade school? That might explain it.
No, I am in graduate program of a university. but it does seem like many of them never grew out of grade school..
Not that they need to be in this sense. In a competition-driven society, you only need to survive yourself, it is a good option to kick someone else down to go up higher. Idk if such manipulation skills would require the "growing up" part.
Man, that's rough.
TWO WHOLE FRIENDS! Stop the presses!
The research has been done on this. The undeniable fact is "pretty" people have a clear advantage in life.
I know that may make you feel uncomfortable, but it's the truth. The same as being poor is a disadvantage so is being ugly.
Just like someone who grows up poor can overcome it, so can ugly people. But that doesn't mean the disadvantage isn't there...
You called one person being that way an outlier, so I added three more from my own experience (two friends and myself.)
And yeah, maybe that is still an outlier. I'm willing to accept that, because I have something that might explain why it's more common with the people I know. The three of us are part of a Christian fellowship, and Phillipians 3:3 says we have confidence in Christ and not the flesh - interestingly enough, I literally just got back from a Bible study with that group where we hit that verse.
You also might know three people that are more confident in themselves because confident people tend to be outgoing and know lots of other people, compared to people who aren't very confident.
Well then most people would know such a person.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Friendship_paradox
Yup, they would, but that wouldn't really dismiss the other guy's point.
This wasn't the point as i read, the question was about confidence. And this has little to do with how "pretty" you are. Your confidence is only in your mind. Sure if others think of you as ugly, it's harder to gain confidence. But I think especially a lot of girls have confidence issues with their appearance despite looking "good".
I have this strange suspicion that you find yourself to be ugly.