this post was submitted on 19 Apr 2024
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Oh, trust me, I have no delusions of LEADING the communist revolution. If Lenin 2.0 shows up I'll totally pick up a gun, and slice of pizza, but there's not fucking way my dorky ass is getting up on any podium. I don't even like giving presentations at college!
One of my quirks is that I have basically no issues with stage fright at all, despite having some pretty severe social anxiety otherwise. I think it's because the dynamics of giving a presentation are radically different compared to a one-on-one conversation or a group conversation: there's no turn-taking or backchanneling or eye contact or subtle body language to pay attention to, no chances of mishearing something because my ears couldn't filter the background noise from the interlocutor's speech, just me and my script and the knowledge that I have more or less full authority in that situation. Of course I know that there are things that one can and should do as a presenter, just as there are things that one can and should do as someone listening to a presentation, but following those norms and gauging audience attentiveness are nonetheless much easier than conversation, and so I guess a presentation simply feels less "risky".
That said, I personally know people who have 200x more Thomas Sankara Energy than me. So although I have no issues with getting up on a podium, and people do compliment me on my abilities as a writer and presenter... I still have neither the political knowledge nor the charisma nor the other essential skills to personally be the symbolic head of a revolution. The only way that could happen is if I delegated away every responsibility BUT the podium, not even writing my own speeches (probably editing or co-authoring them though); and even then I'd still only be something like the third choice at best and only out of the people I personally know in real life.
So I have no delusions of being Lenin 2.0, no, I'm the little enbitch who you see when Lenin 2.0 had to call in sick and couldn't give a speech for the opening of a refrigerator factory. And that's good enough for me: every position should be filled by the one best suited for it.
yeah, I could do like anything on a stage (dance, sing, act, etc.), except come across as a debate winner or good politician, IDK it just doesn't come out of me.