this post was submitted on 29 Mar 2024
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Have you talked with them about your needs? I'm guessing if it's been 10 years probably, but this is definitely something that's very specific to your relationship with this person and their willingness to budge as well as your willingness to budge.
That said, if you both have limits and those limits become an issue that can't be resolved, then you just need to find out how you want to handle that as people who love each other in your own ways
You ask really good questions. Unfortunately they don't really have simple answers, as far as I can tell. Like, the best way I can think to phrase it is, there's nothing I would want if it isn't enthusiastically volunteered.
But if our relationship has hard limits that I don't want to have become my hard limits by defacto.. then.. is problem.
This is all so confusing cuz I have legit been doing this volcel thing for multiple years now in the context of this relationship. I'm so far removed at this point that I don't even know if what I'm not getting from this relationship is even that important compared to the benefits of stable and reliable mutual support from someone I admire and respect and love.
(rambling out loud here I forget if I was even trying to make a point anymore)
i'm actually in a nearly-identical situation, including the "nearly 10 years" bit. it's...difficult, particularly if you're the sort of person who, as you said, doesn't want something unless it's enthusiastically offered.
i don't really have any useful advice, unfortunately, but i just wanted you to know you're not alone. i hope you can strike a balance that works for you both.
I really appreciate the supportive words. It does help. I'm sure we'll figure it out eventually.
I hope your situation develops for the better too.
It’s really nice to see that you care enough to give it some deep thought and reach out for advice. Good job.
That's an interesting comment to post that reply to.