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(Rant) sad about life (hexbear.net)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by sir_this_is_a_wendys@hexbear.net to c/chat@hexbear.net

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I finally filed for divorce from my abusive wife recently. I believe she might be a clinical psychopath at this point. She picked a fight with me on my 40th birthday the other day and this ruined the time I had with my daughter. She did things like this constantly.

I just feel like she has finally completely broken me as a person...I now am unsure if I can get better. I will stay alive for my daughter's sake, but some days I really don't want to be.

I have no real resources. I have no money. Most therapists I've seen have been terrible. Most people I talk to don't seem to believe me that I've been abused. I just cannot take this anymore.

I finally got on a couple dating apps to see if that made me feel better and it had totally the opposite. It set off a very bad downward spiral.

I feel like I have a lot to offer. I'm funny, kind, smart, a talented musician/artist, I think I'm handdome even (can't post a pic obviously), but no one seems to care. It's like when I put my confidence to practice I get rejected and reminded why I shouldn't have any.

I don't know if I'll ever get better.

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[–] 2Password2Remember@hexbear.net 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

dating apps are quite literally designed to make you feel bad about yourself so that you pay for a better chance of getting matches, especially for straight men. you can completely ignore any impact it has on how you feel about yourself, it's literally just capital using your insecurities against you to say "fuck you, pay me." get away and stay away

you'll be alright though. give yourself time to heal and focus on making the most of the good attributes you listed about yourself. also, feeling better is not a linear process - some days you will feel like you're regressing, but that's ok. it's part of the process so try not to get down on yourself about it

meow-hug

Death to America

[–] sir_this_is_a_wendys@hexbear.net 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I knew all this and still did it anyways. Even my friends told me they suck, and they were right.

[–] 2Password2Remember@hexbear.net 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

don't hold it against yourself though. the idea that you can just go on an app and get a relationship is very appealing, trying it is nothing to be ashamed of

Death to America

[–] sir_this_is_a_wendys@hexbear.net 6 points 1 year ago

Definitely. Especially when I have felt utterly alone, unloved, and neglected for nearly half my life.