this post was submitted on 17 Mar 2024
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I think a lot of us can relate to your experience. I have found a lot of people that seem to have borderline personality disorder, and are admired for it.
I am almost positive I have it. I am trying to seek DBT therapy but most places won't even call me back. What a fucking hell hole.
I thought I did. I think I just didn't know how to handle my emotions and I was put into some triggering situations.
I think I self medicated with weed for a big part of my life. Now I am happy without it and it just makes me feel stupider, but not happier.
I was an alcoholic for a long time. I then switched to weed and have had a similar experience. I actually was able to quit for a month after I filed the divorce, but I've been using again after some stress from it.
I hope one day I can use it like 1-2 times a week but I may not need it. I like when you can use it to enhance your experience, not cope with it.
When it became legal and available where I am it lost some of its hold on me. If I have it I smoke it out of boredom . Knowing I can get it tomorrow makes me feel like I would rather do other things today.
I want to add my symptoms have gotten much worse in recent years. I think that was the cumulative effects of abuse adding up and just realizing my life was not what I wanted as I approached 40. I hadn't realized it was abuse until very recently and then had to make a plan to get out.
The last year was very very very bad, but I do feel a lot of hope sometimes now. I'm hoping my symptoms will get better with treatment.
I suspect you are seriously PTSD.
I have been told this. I became extremely sensitive to lights, sounds, and smells in the last couple of years. My wife would do everything to aggravate this as well.
Dogs barking, lawnmowers, and loud cars are very very difficult for me.
I seriously hate lawnmowers and weed whackers. They drive me insane. I have to get nosie cancelling headphones. The stupid ass subdivision I live in has them running nonstop from March until October. I am moving out into the country with my dad soon and this will be a huge relief. Last time I was there I took a recording of how quiet everything was. I almost started to cry.