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WEBRINGS:
if you call everyone dude and a transfem person gets mad about it, don't get defensive. just say like "sorry, i won't do it again" and don't argue "actually it's gender neutral" or "i call everyone dude". even if you do, i guarantee she's heard that argument from someone who very much does not call people they see as women dude. i certainly have
same goes double for the word guy.
I guess this has become a massive chat zone, so, anyone know the general opinion on people who always ask pronouns and desired forms of address to people? Because i do that, and I’ve seen people dunk on stuff like pronoun circles and I’m not sure if that’s a dunk on pronoun asking in general or just doing it selectively to people you clock
For me, pronoun circles are fine. However, if someone invokes a pronoun circle mid-conversation, then it's clear I've been clocked and I become extremely uncomfortable. Dunno about selectively as that somehow has yet to happen to me and I'd prefer to not speculate. I just know I despise being noticeably clocked.
Yeah I would prefer to mandate pronoun badges or a pronoun circle at the beginning of every meet without exceptions. Doing it selectively sucks
i am fine with pronoun circles, but sometimes you can tell people have clocked you and are either doing it because of that or really focusing on you. and even without that there's always a lot of anxiety tied up in it, especially before i was out when i had to intentionally misgender myself which was super painful
Yeah but like what about non-binary people who literally have to do stuff like that to not get constantly misgendered? C*ntrapoints had a similar take to this at one point and it just sucks because you’re talking about your own experience as a trans woman who wants to always pass as cis taking precedence over non-binary people who need stuff like that to be validated.
Edit: Like I know you (I was using “you” in the previous sentence to refer more to Contrapoints than you) specifically aren’t saying that but that’s what the ultimate conclusion of the whole “progressive spaces are worse because they ask for pronouns” discourse
i think that the pronoun circles should happen, i would never suggest otherwise. even if it's because i've been clocked, i still want to have the chance to give my pronouns. i'm kind of just bitching about how it's painful and frustrating to deal with here, this isn't me declaring the way i feel the world should be run
edit: yeah, i got what you were saying. i think that progressive spaces are better for having pronoun circles in them, but that doesn't mean they aren't going to make me feel shitty sometimes
Yeah but I’m not someone who likes just leaving people experiencing dysphoria because of stuff like that. Like I was being kind of bitchy in my last comment because I care about being able to validate my own and other’s non-binary identities, but it’s also unsatisfying to just leave you or any trans woman who even approaches wanting to present in a binary way feeling unsatisfied. So the general anger at pronoun circles implies some sort of genuine issue and it feels wrong to just leave it there
If any of that word soup makes sense…
yeah, i don't know that there's a good solution to this, it's a very low level of frustration that sucks but i think it might be the best we've got rn