this post was submitted on 23 Dec 2023
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I think there needs to be a conversation with one or both of them about the arguing, because it's just rude to ruin the day for everyone else. Especially every year. Buttt... I'm aware some people who are unaware or uncaring enough to do this stuff will only double down and make it even harder on you for having tried to have the conversation/set a limit. So then you're left with the original problem plus being punished with passive aggressive butthurt.
A more subtle way might be in order.
It could be that there's a blanket rule about not arguing at the dinner table (make sure others back you up). And there's conveniently some post meal activities for you and the kids to remove yourselves to if they start beefing. A Christmas movie is a good one because it's obviously gonna be rude to argue during a movie. Or perhaps you and the kids 'found the meal a bit heavy and need a post prandial walk'.
They're adults. They choose to get into conflict. It's not your job to mediate and make things easier for them. It's not your problem. Your duty of care is to yourself and your children.
I have no idea who the instigator is (or if it's both) but I'll leave you with this. https://community.babycenter.com/post/a73920524/dont-rock-the-boat