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I realized why I like friendships with lesbians (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) by whaleross@lemmy.world to c/general@lemmy.world

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I'm a middle aged heterosexual man and I've been in various circles in my life where I've had lesbian friends and acquaintances. I was just thinking how much I've appreciated those interactions and how I currently miss having lesbians around me. Not because we stopped being friends, mind you, but due to my dynamic life and me being shit at staying in touch I've floated away from people that I appreciate.

Anyway, then I started thinking why is that? Am I fetishizing lesbians, craving what I can't get etc? I like women who are confident so is it a sexual or psychosexual thing? It made me a bit worried because that does not sound very nice, Freud and mothers and all that jazz... But then I realized that this is not why.

It's because they don't act and treat me like a man, like a male person, like a sexuality - but that for them I'm 100% a person. If I'm entertaining or funny or interesting, it's because I am entertaining or funny or interesting. No interference from deep rooted primate reproductive brain behaviour, and at the rare occasion it's popped up, it's something we can play off and dismiss.

Even though I have and always had women friends, it's a different thing. Regardless our relationship, I'm always a man. It's inescapable. My friendships with lesbians have always had this special vibe. It's like what I'd imagine a good sibling be like, but I wouldn't know because I'm a lone child.

Yeah, I miss that vibe.

Edit: thanks autocorrect

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[–] dingus@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago (4 children)

How odd. As a nonsexual person, I've never had sexual tension get in the way of any sort of communication from anyone, whatever their sex/gender. So in that regard I guess I have a slight advantage over other sexual people.

But at the same time I've just always wanted to know what that feels like. What is it like? How does it get in the way? How does it affect your interactions with others and cause conflict? What do you feel?

[–] tocopherol@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 2 years ago

I've had a few friendships with this tension, some became relationships, in my experience some issues can be changing behaviors because I don't want them to think I'm trying to get with them, like fewer compliments when I would others, or there can be a subtle sort of jealousy if they are interested in someone else. Or vice-versa, I might think things they do are signs of attraction and not friendship and so feel mixed about reciprocating unless I want to pursue a relationship.

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