this post was submitted on 02 Nov 2023
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Something I've been thinking about is... I often mention that I've been trying to look for more friends for a while, because I don't have any that my mind would qualify as any that I have access to, and I often get two questions, 1) how do I define a friend, and 2) how do I know friends would make me happy.
The first question is a rabbit hole in disguise. Most people, when asked, would list a bunch of benefits, right? Things like "someone I can trust" and "someone who puts me first". But that's the thing. Take the first question for example. Do you not have any enemies you might consider at least honest people? And do you not have friends whom might inspire some skepticism? They're not absolute. So that begs the question, what do I answer to the question of what a friend is? I do in fact have an answer, but it's goes deeper than words, the same words used to answer the question. It defeats itself in ways that swell the question rather than remedy it.
As for the second question, that's where it becomes like anhedonia embodied by words.
A friend is someone who reciprocates tolerable presence.
You don't know friends would make you happy, but they can help you pass the time in less pain.
I sure hope friends are better than just tolerable.
Let's go with enjoyable. Tolerable is like the bare minimum for how to behave around other people. Friends are more than the bare minimum.
A friend is someone who reciprocates enjoyable presence.
We're establishing a baseline minimum here.
I thought about that too. Though it hadn't made me wonder less. I have people I thought to myself may be considered my friends, but who I've discovered have occasional demons that make them unenjoyable to be around. To use an example even though I was never particular close to them, one came back from the military and it shows.
Though also this isn't to say I disagree with whether they should be considered friends, I mentioned once that the point of being friendship is prioritization. Just the other side of things doesn't sit well either.