I woke up this morning and immediately knew something was wrong. The universe is meaningless. All that is solid melts into air. No matter what I do, it will be as irrelevant in 10k years as stone tools are today. I am a monkey that god ignores.

So of course I call the Make a Wish Foundation and see if I can get something to fill my final days between now and my natural death in like 50-60 years. I didn't ask for much, but enough to give me meaning in an existentialist sense as I await death. Maybe 50-60 cruises, trips to foreign countries, years spent having special days out with John Cena, totally up to them. If Spiderman wanted to surprise me with a cake every day for 50 years, I'd even accept that if they just include a little party or something.

They ended up gaslighting me about what a terminal illness is and then ghosting me. Apparently I'm too much of a "grown-ass man" to even apply. ATTA?

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[–] muddi@hexbear.net 7 points 2 years ago

Soo.... something no one tells you, because we all agreed not to let you in on it....we are all philosophical zombies, and the universe was created last Thursday. You are the only actual sentient being, and everyone has been bending over backwards to keep up the rise for you.

The goal was to get you to realize all this by yourself, but I just can't hold it in any longer, sorry to everyone