I woke up this morning and immediately knew something was wrong. The universe is meaningless. All that is solid melts into air. No matter what I do, it will be as irrelevant in 10k years as stone tools are today. I am a monkey that god ignores.

So of course I call the Make a Wish Foundation and see if I can get something to fill my final days between now and my natural death in like 50-60 years. I didn't ask for much, but enough to give me meaning in an existentialist sense as I await death. Maybe 50-60 cruises, trips to foreign countries, years spent having special days out with John Cena, totally up to them. If Spiderman wanted to surprise me with a cake every day for 50 years, I'd even accept that if they just include a little party or something.

They ended up gaslighting me about what a terminal illness is and then ghosting me. Apparently I'm too much of a "grown-ass man" to even apply. ATTA?

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[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 8 points 2 years ago

That's what I tried explaining to them. They said "But the children we help are dying" and I screamed "We're all dying. The French even call orgasms la petite mort".