I woke up this morning and immediately knew something was wrong. The universe is meaningless. All that is solid melts into air. No matter what I do, it will be as irrelevant in 10k years as stone tools are today. I am a monkey that god ignores.

So of course I call the Make a Wish Foundation and see if I can get something to fill my final days between now and my natural death in like 50-60 years. I didn't ask for much, but enough to give me meaning in an existentialist sense as I await death. Maybe 50-60 cruises, trips to foreign countries, years spent having special days out with John Cena, totally up to them. If Spiderman wanted to surprise me with a cake every day for 50 years, I'd even accept that if they just include a little party or something.

They ended up gaslighting me about what a terminal illness is and then ghosting me. Apparently I'm too much of a "grown-ass man" to even apply. ATTA?

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[–] Leon_Grotsky@hexbear.net 9 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

They are the asshole; you should dump your gym, hire a girlfriend, and hit the lawyer.

Does a child’s illness have to be terminal in order to qualify for a wish?
No, a child does not have to be terminally ill. In fact, many of our wish children grow into adulthood and lead healthy, happy lives.

E) Here's a topical Mr. Show sketch

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

The absolute hypocrisy of these removed. They grant the wishes of children who grow into adulthood and lead happy lives? I'M AN ADULT AND I'M NOT HAPPY. REPLY TO MY VOICEMAILS YOU FUCKING removed.

[–] Leon_Grotsky@hexbear.net 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Suing the Make-a-Wish foundation to the tune of

checks notes

court mandated visitations by John Cena and a $30.00 gift card to Cheesecake Factory

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 2 points 2 years ago

If it has to go to court, I will bring the pain. The Make a Wish Foundation will rue the day they fucked with me. $30 gift card per week like child support.