this post was submitted on 27 Sep 2023
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Have you guys ever feel pressured to spend time with your friends? I need to dedicate time to my personal projects, so that doesn't leave me with a lot of time for games and fun. I recently returned to Valorant, and while I don't have time for aim training, I am totally fine with that(I used to play the game quite seriously).
But things are different when I have to spend time with some of my friends. They basically don't have any other hobby, so they only do one kind of activity in their free time. They also don't have a specific someone who can always spend that time with them too, so I ended up being 'that person'. I also got slightly tilted when I heard the line 'I don't like to wait' from one of these friends when she was complaining another friend of mine doesn't respond to messages and isn't active(but another friend and I are kinda okay and we usually just played until he comes?) , and that makes her look selfish because everyone has their own activities, right?
I understand that my friends are stressed from work and they feel lonely, but it's not like I don't experience the same thing... If anything, I have been fighting off my negative thoughts for more than half a year, and it took me that long to finally find a way to flip my mindset whenever it goes bad(and that still doesn't solve all of my problems). Drawing boundaries is one way to solve the problem, but I have lost friends in the past before precisely because I didn't spend enough time(sometimes almost the whole day except my classes) with them, and I don't want the same thing to happen again.
in some ways yes, i do see the value in catching up with friends but to a certain extent i do feel the pressure to catch up with them. for me becoming an adult, I noticed that it's harder and harder to make friends, and it's even more difficult to maintain genuine relationships.
if they're the type of friends that will unfriend you BECAUSE you are busy or are at full capacity they do not deserve you anyway.. try to find people that have the same hobby as you that helps as well. i've noticed those relationships are less of a chore and easier to manage lol.
I have a friend group and although they are Malays, they are really chill (ngl, my Malay friend are even more chill than most of my Chinese friends) and I enjoy spending time and gaming with them. No one free then do our own stuff, and most of us have our own activities so we don't have to spend too much time with each other.
It does seem harder to make friends in the adult world. Thankfully the first company I worked at had very friendly colleagues, so I made some friends there(we talk outside of work too).