Asklemmy

For some of us at some times in our lives, having a relationship with two people is less work. It requires much more communication, better scheduling, and much more attention to your partners' feelings ... but that might be a good investment of time anyhow, and often gets overlooked.

I find that having multiple partners helps me appreciate each partner much more, for themselves -- it's easy to mix up how much you love just having a partner and being loved, with how you actually feel about that person. Poly gives you the distance and contrast to see your partners clearly, and that can be really special.

Tbh, my wife and I have been together for so long and through so much that is has become easy. We've been together more than fifteen years, and both of us consider our childhoods of abuse to be the hardest periods of our lives. We know and trust each other deeply and implicitly. She's had an increasingly serious second partner for more than five years now, and it's become pretty easy. I'm casually looking for a boyfriend, and she's excited for me. It's the foundational strength of our relationship that makes this lifestyle possible. We've built a big, full life together, and we have enough love and space in our lives to share <3

Yeah that's indeed something. I had a sex partner on top of my romantic partner for a few years, and that worked okay - since you only meet for shagging - but wow would two romantic partners be too much for me. Still, I was perfectly fine with my romantic partner also having another partner in addition to me. They could handle it fine!

"Or their partner is making all the effort"

OR their partners aren't super needy and insecure ;)

Yeah but if you see monogamy as bad and immoral and try to explain why ... somehow I expected at least some understanding. I thought other people were afraid to say what they really think.

Edit: it was a while ago, I was young and naive

Monogamy has been essentially socially enforced for millenia

In some cultures only.

To me it always feels as if people are just loudly signaling their own unhappiness in their existing relationship when they hate on polyamory. It's a weird form of surpressed and internalized envy.

Yeah, the polycules I've met have all been hot messes that caused a lot of pain for everyone involved (and adjacent). At least a few have this attitude of "Monogamous people are prudes and need to open up, polyamory is HoW hUmAnS sHoUlD lIvE". Maybe it's just bad luck, but as a result I generally keep a bit more distance with my poly friends.

Polyamory is not group sex.

Actually, if you don't take care of yourself in polyamorous relationships, you might have less sex than in monoamorous relationships.

Also, no, consensual sex is not disgusting. You might not want it, but then sex is not consensual. Bodies are not inherently disgusting.