well i know, that's a weird flex. honestly i wanted to post something that is not related to the desastrous family visit over easter. i wrote pages about what i learned there and what i feel, but nothing that is close to be ready for sharing. on the other hand, i need to yap these memories away. heeeere we go! :3
what i like
my trainer. he. is. the. cutest. guy. on. this. planet. i feel super safe with him i am even comfortable to explore dysphoricly deep voices with him. he is very warm and caring. that helps a lot. i started in the third session already to talk to him about the situations, i tend to fall into male patterns, and how that stems from my anxieties. since he is gay, we can discuss such internslised misogyny/homophobia very deeply i feel.
also i like that there is a place in which i can try out voices, modulations and stuff, with someone who gives great advice on that. i finally get challenged to try out these new characters. i wouldn't have had the audacity otherwise.
i even like the daily practice, though it's awkward and even a bit embarassing. i don't have the power to practise every day extensively, but i try to do at least a little, even on busy days.
what i don't like
i am still super bad at carrying this in my everyday life. with my friends i am comfy enough to not care abt my voice. (it even felt weird, when they started to use my chosen name, bc it felt like they were now putting in effort for a foemality, while i felt seen by them at every point in the last years.) so i don't care abour voice around my friends. at work i am still boymoding (rediculously bad), so i don't do new voices. when outside i often have to be louder, so i use the louder voice i know. when around men, i still have the (ridiculously wrong) urge to not stand out, and so i often speak with a lower voice, while wearing a skirt. when i feel unsafe, i do not speak at all.
only sometimes i surprise myself suddenly speaking to the cashier in this softer tone. just a "thank you" or so. but it happens.
a big problem is that with what i can do today, i sound like a dreamy/high mess when i talk for longer. i already told my trainer, we will look at that in the next sessions.
some advice?
i am quite new to this. have you had similar expiriences? how did you start to actually use your new voice?
i’m really happy that you enjoy voice training. it’s hard and discouraging for a lot of people. if you like it, you’ll actually train and you’ll end up with a voice you love before you know it.
i was also lucky to take to it so positively. what worked for me was a few months of practice where i’d train for 15-45 minutes everyday but use my old voice otherwise. then i switched 100%. literally 100% fem, no exceptions. it was pretty rough at first and i was pretty self conscious about it but very quickly it became second nature. i imagine it’s similar in some sense to learning a language by immersion.
definitely save some recordings of yourself as you progress. it’s really cool to hear how your voice changes throughout your training. keep recording after you “graduate” too. my voice is still changing and refining and i haven’t done any formal training in a year or so. so long as you can hear yourself and pay attention you’ll never find yourself backsliding.
ok, so i'll give it some time and a bit more practice. :) thanks for sharing your story