well i know, that's a weird flex. honestly i wanted to post something that is not related to the desastrous family visit over easter. i wrote pages about what i learned there and what i feel, but nothing that is close to be ready for sharing. on the other hand, i need to yap these memories away. heeeere we go! :3
what i like
my trainer. he. is. the. cutest. guy. on. this. planet. i feel super safe with him i am even comfortable to explore dysphoricly deep voices with him. he is very warm and caring. that helps a lot. i started in the third session already to talk to him about the situations, i tend to fall into male patterns, and how that stems from my anxieties. since he is gay, we can discuss such internslised misogyny/homophobia very deeply i feel.
also i like that there is a place in which i can try out voices, modulations and stuff, with someone who gives great advice on that. i finally get challenged to try out these new characters. i wouldn't have had the audacity otherwise.
i even like the daily practice, though it's awkward and even a bit embarassing. i don't have the power to practise every day extensively, but i try to do at least a little, even on busy days.
what i don't like
i am still super bad at carrying this in my everyday life. with my friends i am comfy enough to not care abt my voice. (it even felt weird, when they started to use my chosen name, bc it felt like they were now putting in effort for a foemality, while i felt seen by them at every point in the last years.) so i don't care abour voice around my friends. at work i am still boymoding (rediculously bad), so i don't do new voices. when outside i often have to be louder, so i use the louder voice i know. when around men, i still have the (ridiculously wrong) urge to not stand out, and so i often speak with a lower voice, while wearing a skirt. when i feel unsafe, i do not speak at all.
only sometimes i surprise myself suddenly speaking to the cashier in this softer tone. just a "thank you" or so. but it happens.
a big problem is that with what i can do today, i sound like a dreamy/high mess when i talk for longer. i already told my trainer, we will look at that in the next sessions.
some advice?
i am quite new to this. have you had similar expiriences? how did you start to actually use your new voice?
pretty much any time we are about to speak (or are speaking) and can do an exercise without being looked at funny. some of our favorites:
the classic "1, 2, 3(, 4)"
saying what you're doing out loud, like a checklist
using higher pitch conversation filler, like mmhm, yuh huh, hm (but short nasal duration)
in a similar vain, when about to start a conversation, start with something that can be pitched high or lower and not make too big a difference
when about to go in depth with an explanation or directions or whatever, breath in, and when exhaling try and make it sound femme too. this one is especially helpful for resonance!
singing while riding the bicycle is not as helpful as these other ones, but it does help us to relieve some stress. it also has worked really well as practice in general.
in a lot of the stuff we have read, a common point amongst them is that nasals ("m", "n", etc.) are especially good ways to "establish" a particular pitch. we found The voice book for trans and non-binary people (Mills & Stoneham, 2017) has a lot of helpful exercises in addition to what we listed. there are some things that may not be in line with what your trainer suggests, but it's still a good read.
it may seem like this will require a lot of diligence at first, and it absolutely does. after some time though it'll become second nature, we promise!
it is our pleasure!!!!!