well i know, that's a weird flex. honestly i wanted to post something that is not related to the desastrous family visit over easter. i wrote pages about what i learned there and what i feel, but nothing that is close to be ready for sharing. on the other hand, i need to yap these memories away. heeeere we go! :3
what i like
my trainer. he. is. the. cutest. guy. on. this. planet. i feel super safe with him i am even comfortable to explore dysphoricly deep voices with him. he is very warm and caring. that helps a lot. i started in the third session already to talk to him about the situations, i tend to fall into male patterns, and how that stems from my anxieties. since he is gay, we can discuss such internslised misogyny/homophobia very deeply i feel.
also i like that there is a place in which i can try out voices, modulations and stuff, with someone who gives great advice on that. i finally get challenged to try out these new characters. i wouldn't have had the audacity otherwise.
i even like the daily practice, though it's awkward and even a bit embarassing. i don't have the power to practise every day extensively, but i try to do at least a little, even on busy days.
what i don't like
i am still super bad at carrying this in my everyday life. with my friends i am comfy enough to not care abt my voice. (it even felt weird, when they started to use my chosen name, bc it felt like they were now putting in effort for a foemality, while i felt seen by them at every point in the last years.) so i don't care abour voice around my friends. at work i am still boymoding (rediculously bad), so i don't do new voices. when outside i often have to be louder, so i use the louder voice i know. when around men, i still have the (ridiculously wrong) urge to not stand out, and so i often speak with a lower voice, while wearing a skirt. when i feel unsafe, i do not speak at all.
only sometimes i surprise myself suddenly speaking to the cashier in this softer tone. just a "thank you" or so. but it happens.
a big problem is that with what i can do today, i sound like a dreamy/high mess when i talk for longer. i already told my trainer, we will look at that in the next sessions.
some advice?
i am quite new to this. have you had similar expiriences? how did you start to actually use your new voice?
i knowwwwa. ... trying to sing makes me cry rather quickly. my primary school had a choir in which all kids sang. i did not. i had a 'special class' with like 5 others, where we clapped with these music stick thingies. i did learn early to please stop singing.
it sounds super logical, that that would be a good training. atm i just recite poems in the fem voice and try to not sound high while doing so ... hm.
I cried a lot while singing, though most often not because of voice training. It's.. cathartic for me at least, not sure it can be for you as well, especially with that background. But it certainly did feel less like "training" for me, just a bit of silly fun.
If singing is not it, reading a book you like out loud (and even intonating different kind of characters talking if you are spicy) is also a thing that I did. Couldn't just do "work", I had to mix fun in.