Transfem

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A community for transfeminine people and experiences.

This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.

Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.

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Some helpful links:

The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.

Support Hotlines:

The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.

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[cw: dysphoria] Boymoding is getting harder and harder to bear (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 2 days ago by Domi@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone

18 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Egg cracked towards the end of last year. At the time I thought "hey I've lived my whole life like this, if I need to boymode for some reason it'll be fine right?"

I'm still pre hrt and have a buzz cut so it's not like I'm super fem right now, but more and more I've been wearing what I want to wear: skirts or cute women's trousers, jewellery, makeup etc. At the very least I'm not going to be mistaken for a cis boy when I leave the house like this.

The feeling of dressing the way I want had been so freeing, the feeling of being seen, especially by queer folks, as something other than a cis man, and the chance to catch sight of myself in a reflection and like what I see. All of that has changed something in me.

Now when I dress in my old clothes in spaces where I feel like I can't be myself, it makes me want to scream, it's unbearable. I can't even imagine being the person that looked like this every day. It's so strange that so much can change just by changing your perception of yourself.

The positive side is that 3 months ago, my biggest fear in the world was that I was somehow faking, not really trans, and that all the joy I felt was some mistake or something. That "imposter syndrome" would sneak in if I accidentally went a few hours without feeling dysphoric, and my brain would go "see look, you're cis silly".

It's getting pretty hard to maintain that delusion when dressing like a man makes me want to puke. So, even though this seems like a sad post, I'm actually happy. I know who I am. I just need to finish coming out professionally and with older family so I don't have to pretend to be a man any more.

Really wanted to just get that feeling out of my head. Thanks dear ones.

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[–] EggInDisguise@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I am getting the same way, although it's probably less intense since my egg only cracked fairly recently...

I have spent so much on women's clothing the last week and a half, I want to go out looking cute and wearing what I want, but I live with transphobes who would kick me out if they knew, so every day they're awake and I come home, I have to keep a pair of sweat pants and a baggy shirt because I don't want to take off my bra, my underwear, or even my leggings/tights/jeans just to walk 50 ft past windows, inside, and to the door that separates the sections of the house...

I haven't gone out to places where I know someone my family knows might be, and definitely not in crowded stores yet, but walking around downtown in small stores, parks, bars with other trans friends... I've been loving it. I want to dress how I want 24/7 without the stupid self-conscious feelings related to not looking like how I feel and not sounding how I want.

At least while home I can stay in my own areas and wear all the cute things I've been getting lately. still haven't found shoes that fit, and I don't want to order online for footwear but that's neither here nor there....

I definitely feel what you're going through, boymode sucks ass, but talking about it definitely helps me, so if you need to vent about anything, we are all here to listen!

You got this girl, you can kick dysphoria's ass!

[–] Domi@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 1 day ago

I'm so sorry about your situation, I'm really lucky to have supportive friends and family. Thanks for being here!