Transfem

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A community for transfeminine people and experiences.

This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.

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Some helpful links:

The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.

Support Hotlines:

The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.

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[cw: dysphoria] Boymoding is getting harder and harder to bear (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 2 days ago by Domi@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone

18 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Egg cracked towards the end of last year. At the time I thought "hey I've lived my whole life like this, if I need to boymode for some reason it'll be fine right?"

I'm still pre hrt and have a buzz cut so it's not like I'm super fem right now, but more and more I've been wearing what I want to wear: skirts or cute women's trousers, jewellery, makeup etc. At the very least I'm not going to be mistaken for a cis boy when I leave the house like this.

The feeling of dressing the way I want had been so freeing, the feeling of being seen, especially by queer folks, as something other than a cis man, and the chance to catch sight of myself in a reflection and like what I see. All of that has changed something in me.

Now when I dress in my old clothes in spaces where I feel like I can't be myself, it makes me want to scream, it's unbearable. I can't even imagine being the person that looked like this every day. It's so strange that so much can change just by changing your perception of yourself.

The positive side is that 3 months ago, my biggest fear in the world was that I was somehow faking, not really trans, and that all the joy I felt was some mistake or something. That "imposter syndrome" would sneak in if I accidentally went a few hours without feeling dysphoric, and my brain would go "see look, you're cis silly".

It's getting pretty hard to maintain that delusion when dressing like a man makes me want to puke. So, even though this seems like a sad post, I'm actually happy. I know who I am. I just need to finish coming out professionally and with older family so I don't have to pretend to be a man any more.

Really wanted to just get that feeling out of my head. Thanks dear ones.

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[–] Nissa@lemmy.world 11 points 2 days ago (1 children)

This is so wonderful, I can't believe how quickly you were able to leave the house!!! I'm sorry the dysphoria is so strong when you're required to boymode, I haven't been able to girlmode all week. It's bearable for me, visualization helps alot, I'm dying to get home, take a bath, shave my legs, and put on a skirt. You are an inspiration to us all, and I can't wait to be able to girlmode around my friends and eventually in public.

Thank you for sharing!

[–] Domi@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 2 days ago

Nissa you're so sweet! I'm in a fairly progressive city, not that I haven't had a bunch of transphobic shit shouted at me, but I can also count on there being safe places full of queers, punks, skaters, goths etc, so if I felt really unsafe I know what spots to run to.

I know you're in a very different sort of place so the safety risks for you are different. I know you're going to love being yourself with your friends but don't feel like you should compare timelines or anything, all our situations are different. <3