this post was submitted on 09 Apr 2026
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ruminating
Unfortunately, I struggle a lot with getting things done. Even just eating three meals a day and exercising. Apparently it's AuDHD but who knows. The psychiatrist is too expensive so I will be waiting until I get time off uni to work more and save up.It is time to believe in myself a bit more. I was considering starting guitar from scratch because I have an all-or-nothing mindset and my teacher gave me this great idea of doing "practise sprints", short, timed bursts of practise. So now I am also doing tidy sprints, and uni work sprints. I haven't picked up the guitar this week because I'm too scared ๐ but I have done more piano than I did last week. I think that counts for something.
I keep telling myself that I can't do uni or teaching because I am incapable and it's not for me. I see my classmates doing really well and think that because I get overwhelmed so easily and have less life experience, I will fail. Again, that is very all-or-nothing. I haven't given anything a good go in my life, always quitting before persisting. I guess I'll do an experiment on myself and see if I feel better about things when I give them a good go, or if I actually don't want my life to head in this direction.
All I know is that I am sick of not achieving things and I need a sense of mastery in my life.
you have finished lots of things, you did your uni degrees ๐ So you can finish things
everything else is not a continuation of this but are new tasks , often requiring new skills and different personal attributes
also, change is not failure ๐
you can do this ๐