Ask Lemmy
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We don't because:
Lemmy has not "gotten worse" in my opinion. It was worse to begin with and when I arrived a few years ago, the first thing I had to urgently learn is how to filter out what I call its 'noise': that constant (and self-celebrating) hatred for 'the other camp', the hatred for those who dare not think like 'us' (I certainly don't put myself in that group). I then moved from Lemmy to Piefed, mostly because back then at least it offered me simpler/more efficient ways to filter out that noise.
Like mentioned in other comments, the only way is through changing (civil) society itself. Aka through education.
As long as our respective public educative systems (I'm from France, but I know it's as shitty in the USA if not worse) are allowed to not do their job of actually educating and teaching kids some common values and principles (next to some actual knowledge and know-how), toxicity will thrive.
It thrives because it has been normalized and because those who benefit from it are being regarded as role models. But it's even worse than that: just publicly discussing this issue and its causes would expose anyone to being... punished by an angry toxic crowd of people that don't want to hear they're being toxic (or that their 'ideology' they want so hard to believe in have morphed them into assholes). That is a huge loss for any freedom respecting society, and a huge win for those benefiting from that hate/toxicity.
edit: clarifications.
2 reminded me of a saying. You're not stuck in traffic, you ARE traffic.
and sometimes you have no choice but to submit. and that's OK
it's also not your fault if a drunk driver or similar crashes into you and causes a traffic jam... it's the other person's fault.
way too many toxic folks on lemmy are apologizing for the drunk driver and blaming the victim constantly. especially when they identify with the drunk driver or start thinking 'he had no choice!'
I don't buy this narrative that toxicity is inevitable. That's the narrative pushed by Reddit/Xitter/Meta because toxicity causes engagement which makes them rich. They don't want to delete it. It's only inevitable if admins allow it to be.
That "rule" don't apply on Fedi where we can simply join an instance that actively bans all the bs.
You're more than welcome to buy what you fancy, I don't recall saying it was unavoidable. I even think I mentioned why we somehow manged to make it as... present as it is, and how we should try to get rid of most of it (hint: through education).
Can we get rid of all of it? Nope, unless one is to pretend we're perfect? Don't know about you but I'm certainly not perfect.
My belief is that toxicity online is like building a six lane highway through a residential neighborhood. If you build the infrastructure to support more cars, and the law allows speeding you're going to get more cars (and more car accidents).
If you build platforms that don't allow cars/limit their behavior where people are trying to have a polite conversation, you'll see quiet more thoughtful modes of transportation and fewer innocent bystanders get hurt.
Wow that analogy worked pretty well.
My opinion is that toxicity can be found in every little gesture in our daily life, no need for an highway. It's also not somethign 'external' to us that appears because of poor decisions. It can and often thrives even in the most 'humble' or humane 'infrastructures', to use you image. Suffice to look how two people, say two neighbors, can literally hate on one another for petty reasons.
People can have a fight on the street, or in a pub, in a shop, at work, or wherever, even at home, within a family circle, because "he looked at me!" or because "I don't like the way he dress" kind of reasons. Do you really think tech is the issue?
But once again, you're more than welcome to believe what you want to believe. Just don't try to put words in my mouth that I did not say.
I'm not trying to put words in your mouth, but it sure seems like you're saying that toxicity can inevitably be found in every little gesture in our daily life, including internet platforms, which is a narrative I disagree with.
Pretty much all pubs and shops I know quickly expel and ban people who fight there. If those places allowed fighting (as many internet platforms do) users looking for a fight would eventually gravitate there, and people looking to discuss peacefully will go elsewhere.
No, I'm saying people are the issue. Toxicity is not something that can be found everywhere, it only pops up where it's allowed to flourish.
Why?
toxicity is inevitable in real life such as much. toxic people are everywhere, and they drag people down with them.
i've had toxic family, friends, and co-workers. sometimes you have no choice but to live with it, sometimes you can ignore it, sometimes you can boot the person from your life if they cross certain boundaries. and sometimes the toxic person tries to get you removed.
the false tech bro assumption I've seen since forever, is the idea you can engineer out people's negative behaviors and impulses... you can't. they will find a way to exploit whatever system you set up. that's what they do... that's what makes them toxic. you cannot create a social media network that is free from toxic people, unless you make one with no people involved.
I'm not talking about engineering a problem away. I'm saying it can't be engineered away and requires human adults in the room (moderators in this case) to handle bad behavior.
Accepting the presence of toxicity as a fact of life does nothing more than attract more toxicity.
Your posts are really great. Just wanted to say it's super cool to have someone thoughtful contributing and articulating a realistic approach.
Thank you very much. I'm just sharing what I think.
Couldn't agree more! People should be more tolerant and stop hating on people having different opinions
...What's the different opinion Anakin?