this post was submitted on 29 Mar 2026
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In that situation, when you asked her later, your friend should've said "Oh don't worry about it, I was able to resolve it without you, but thanks for checking in," and then changed the subject.
I'd hate to be treated that way. Ofc it's fine if this is the social norm for you and people around you.
(Me after someone tells me 'oh don't worry about it')
So if they don't respond to your "do you have time to talk" initial message, then you just don't invite them to the concert at all and never tell them about it?
All to avoid just asking them up-front whether they want to go or not?
That's wild, I genuinely don't understand how this is better in any way.
Imo if the question is urgent, either call them or add something to the text like "tickets are going quick and I'm going to buy them ASAP, so if I don't hear back by , I'll assume you're out"
Yep, that's right.
This is where I have to correct you. Not asking them straight out, and not mentioning it later if they don't respond, are both is service of avoiding putting pressure on them.
Can you explain the "pressure" part a bit more? It sounds like you've got a time-sensitive question, but rather than asking the question and getting a response (or not), you're asking to ask a time-sensitive question and getting a response (or not). If you're trying to avoid the pressure of a time-sensitive question, it doesn't seem like this approach fixes that.
Only thing I can see is that this approach prevents the situation where the recipient takes too long to respond but did actually want to go to the concert, forcing the sender to explain that it's unfortunately too late, tickets have been purchased and they don't have one. But it seems like clarity in the initial message is still the best way to give them a chance to respond promptly if they really do want to go.
Who knows, maybe I have finally gotten too old to understand modern youth etiquette
All you're avoiding is going to the concert with your friend.