this post was submitted on 29 Mar 2026
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To be frank with you, it's the opposite. Asking to ask means that now I have to wait to actually get your question, which is kind of annoying. It's not egregious or anything, but I'm not keen on it, nor are others [1] [2] [3].
This is one of those "varies by culture" things, I think. Asking to ask doesn't create an obligation, asking the first time does. If it's from a superior to a subordinate, that's fine. Same if it's from a student to teacher or any other relationship where "I am here to help you" is implicit. But between equals it's different, mostly because it implies that they're not equal, that the asker is in a position to create tasks for the other person.
I appreciate the response and perspective. For me, the obligation begins the instant I am made aware someone wants something, irrespective of if they actually ask it. Even if I end up turning it down, I still have to be polite and get the question first, explain why, and potentially who might be able to help if I have any leads. If I were to side step all of that and say "no, do not ask me a question" upon being asked to ask, that would be seen as very rude, and I would feel rude for doing it too.
Those are pretty amusing links. 😁