this post was submitted on 26 Mar 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

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[–] thorhop@sopuli.xyz 42 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (2 children)

The monkeys paw curled. Elated UnderpantsWeevil was, as he skipped off into the sunset looking forward to the future.

1000 years later.

UnderpantsWeevil sat alone, in a dark metal box, suspended over lava, hanging by a long massive chain, circa 30km underground. How so?

He had been observed by various nation state actors over time, some who tried to kill him - many times, without success.

Everything was painstakingly documented by increasingly maddened agents, who poured over the various failed scenarios in utter amazement.

Run over by a truck? 7 times attempted. Gased to death in his bead? 4 attempts. Fatal stabbing? Proven not effective. "Accidental beheading"? 12 near misses.

in total 73 supposedly fatal wounds to the body, according to the medical sciences, all of which failed. No one could bring an end to UnderpantsWeevil.

After many captures (and several escapes) he finally landed in the hands of a North American despot known as Julius Trump the 4th - a supposed heir to the great emperor god.

This mad god king in a fallout empire decided to create a secret super-prison - because no one should be able to outlast the god king himself.

UnderpantsWeevil sat completely still in this oxygen depleted place, not a muscle stirring. Only the thought that it had been a scant 1000 years...

Good night, everybody!

[–] My_IFAKs___gone@lemmy.world 10 points 6 days ago

Corrosion to the rescue! Don't worry UnderpantsWeevil, Entropy, the one and every thing to which you are immune, will provide eventual salvation.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 6 points 6 days ago

/r/writingprompts strikes again