Lately, I have been quite fed up with the amount of misogyny I've had to deal with online and in my life. So, I apologize in advance for the pent-up anger that is coming out in this post. But I just wanted to say that I am so happy that this space exists. It's quiet, there isn't a lot of activity on it, but it's just so much better.
Every time I find myself in a space where cis men are not allowed, I realize how much better it is. All the trans men I know are absolute sweethearts. They're wonderful. But every time, even the cis men that I know and love, I can't help but be exhausted by them, by all the space they're taking, the amount of energy I need to put in to cuddle their feelings. It really feels like men are 50% of the population and they're taking 90% of the space available.
I just made a joke to my girlfriend that what the world really need is a Minecraft server where cis men are not allowed, but for real, I would play the shit out of this. It sounds like such an amazing place to hang out in.
Because, if you would indulge me in my frustrations... I'm so done with cis dudes. As in, I'm done being patient and I'm done putting up with bullshit. I should never have to deal with in the first place. I'm so done with them acting as if they own every space I'm also in, as if I need an invitation and a man by my side to just be tolerated in it, which for me is most of what it's like to be a girl in gaming spaces, but it shouldn't be. I'm done having to justify and explain myself because dudebros are always convinced that because i'm a woman, I don't know shit, acting as if they are an authority on the things that I am living through every day, talking as if they know better than me, denying my experiences. And I'm done with – again, to go back to the thing that I mentioned about gaming spaces – men calling me slurs or just being fucking creepy as hell with me for what I am.
I'm sorry to say this, but every time I see a toxic community, every time I see a place that is just a Nazi haven or whatever the fuck, it's all men! All the time! It's not that women can't be Nazis or whatever, of course they can. Women can be fucking awful! I mean, there is a reason why the UK is nicknamed "TERF Island", you know? But that kind of shit is definitely the exception, not the rule.
I love cis men, I really do, but, and I hate to say this, for me to be able to keep loving them, I need moments and places where I can just fucking vent about how exhausting they are to be around. And getting that online is near impossible. I wouldn't be able to say or write any of this in a space where they were allowed. And I know that you know why I can't do that. I know that you know what it would turn into. We all know here what comes of poking this hornet's nest.
So I'm thankful for this space. I'm thankful for all of you in it. And I want more of them.
(depending on how this goes, I just want to say in advance that I'm sorry to the moderation.)
UPDATE: ~~So with all the responses I got, I'm gonna be honest, I kinda deeply regret making this post and I don't think I'm gonna be active in this community anymore. I don't think I'm gonna be really active on this account much anymore either at all for that matter. I'm sorry that I made this post, I should have kept this to myself.~~
UPDATE 2: Nah, fuck that. I stand by everything I said.
I totally see where you’re coming from, and it really sucks that the loudest and worst offenders online are almost always presenting as men. I often find that women’s and queer spaces IRL are so much more inviting and less aggressive than general admission spaces.
Since this is a public post, I just want to say to the men lurking that this is a vent post and so it says “all” a lot, but please try to see that she’s expressing hurt and not intending this as an attack or an expression of hatred for men. 🙏
Additionally, to the men that read it, and understand why it's necessary, y'all cool, might be handy to head to spaces like !dadforaminute@lemmy.world - there should be more inclusive spaces like this one, really. Having more spaces ≠ exclusion; there are plenty general spots as well.
On that regard, those general spaces can sometimes be nice, but I think it's because they then have a focus on queer peeps (eg. !onehundredninetysix@lemmy.blahaj.zone, or because they coordinate with queer spaces. Those tend to kick out the annoying people more actively.
I'm a mod myself on !egg_irl@lemmy.blahaj.zone and !lgballt@lemmy.blahaj.zone , but yeah.
Dad for a minute is great! We're twinned with them they've been gung ho supportive of us from day one. I pop in regularly for DIY advice or hugs.
to be honest I think it's only a minority of men who are a real problem - but they're numerous enough that it makes it hard to know who is safe or not, and even among the safe ones I think there can be some behaviors that can easily come across the wrong way (like, it's a fine line between being helpful and mansplaining, for example)
It might be true that a "minority of men who are a real problem" but there's also a minority of allies. I think the largest segment of men just go with the flow. They'll laugh at a sexist joke if the majority are laughing or stay silent if the majority stay silent. I've seen some real allies shut down misogynistic comments here on Lemmy, and it's really heartening. They get downvoted for it, but they shut down the circle jerk. I think it's because they're men signaling disapproval. The other guys might not like it, but they listen. I think Gen Z will not be quite as progressive as I was hoping, but I'm really hoping the next gen will tip us over the edge and we'll hit a critical mass of allies so that men are less confident being openly misogynistic.
You're right, and I think the minority of allies is much smaller than the minority of problem men, too. To be honest I don't know a lot of male allies (and one of the biggest ones I know IRL is a trans man).
I have little hope for future generations without a path forward for education and impacting positive change in society - and as far as I can tell at least the US is significantly sliding backwards on those fronts. It would be nice to think the future will be more progressive, but I have concerns and doubts.