Lately, I have been quite fed up with the amount of misogyny I've had to deal with online and in my life. So, I apologize in advance for the pent-up anger that is coming out in this post. But I just wanted to say that I am so happy that this space exists. It's quiet, there isn't a lot of activity on it, but it's just so much better.
Every time I find myself in a space where cis men are not allowed, I realize how much better it is. All the trans men I know are absolute sweethearts. They're wonderful. But every time, even the cis men that I know and love, I can't help but be exhausted by them, by all the space they're taking, the amount of energy I need to put in to cuddle their feelings. It really feels like men are 50% of the population and they're taking 90% of the space available.
I just made a joke to my girlfriend that what the world really need is a Minecraft server where cis men are not allowed, but for real, I would play the shit out of this. It sounds like such an amazing place to hang out in.
Because, if you would indulge me in my frustrations... I'm so done with cis dudes. As in, I'm done being patient and I'm done putting up with bullshit. I should never have to deal with in the first place. I'm so done with them acting as if they own every space I'm also in, as if I need an invitation and a man by my side to just be tolerated in it, which for me is most of what it's like to be a girl in gaming spaces, but it shouldn't be. I'm done having to justify and explain myself because dudebros are always convinced that because i'm a woman, I don't know shit, acting as if they are an authority on the things that I am living through every day, talking as if they know better than me, denying my experiences. And I'm done with – again, to go back to the thing that I mentioned about gaming spaces – men calling me slurs or just being fucking creepy as hell with me for what I am.
I'm sorry to say this, but every time I see a toxic community, every time I see a place that is just a Nazi haven or whatever the fuck, it's all men! All the time! It's not that women can't be Nazis or whatever, of course they can. Women can be fucking awful! I mean, there is a reason why the UK is nicknamed "TERF Island", you know? But that kind of shit is definitely the exception, not the rule.
I love cis men, I really do, but, and I hate to say this, for me to be able to keep loving them, I need moments and places where I can just fucking vent about how exhausting they are to be around. And getting that online is near impossible. I wouldn't be able to say or write any of this in a space where they were allowed. And I know that you know why I can't do that. I know that you know what it would turn into. We all know here what comes of poking this hornet's nest.
So I'm thankful for this space. I'm thankful for all of you in it. And I want more of them.
(depending on how this goes, I just want to say in advance that I'm sorry to the moderation.)
UPDATE: ~~So with all the responses I got, I'm gonna be honest, I kinda deeply regret making this post and I don't think I'm gonna be active in this community anymore. I don't think I'm gonna be really active on this account much anymore either at all for that matter. I'm sorry that I made this post, I should have kept this to myself.~~
UPDATE 2: Nah, fuck that. I stand by everything I said.
I don't think the people giving you a tech solution to a human problem are trying to do so in bad faith, they're probably really trying to be helpful. Yes, I validate your experiences and people like that absolutely shouldn't exist, but also, if you want to be happier, changing your own behaviours is the only lever you have to do that - you can't change others (as much as I wish we could :( )
You shouldn't have to, but if you do it might make you happier 🤷♀️
And you could also argue that better moderation is not a tech solution to a human problem but a human solution, since it's humans who do the moderation work.