Lately, I have been quite fed up with the amount of misogyny I've had to deal with online and in my life. So, I apologize in advance for the pent-up anger that is coming out in this post. But I just wanted to say that I am so happy that this space exists. It's quiet, there isn't a lot of activity on it, but it's just so much better.
Every time I find myself in a space where cis men are not allowed, I realize how much better it is. All the trans men I know are absolute sweethearts. They're wonderful. But every time, even the cis men that I know and love, I can't help but be exhausted by them, by all the space they're taking, the amount of energy I need to put in to cuddle their feelings. It really feels like men are 50% of the population and they're taking 90% of the space available.
I just made a joke to my girlfriend that what the world really need is a Minecraft server where cis men are not allowed, but for real, I would play the shit out of this. It sounds like such an amazing place to hang out in.
Because, if you would indulge me in my frustrations... I'm so done with cis dudes. As in, I'm done being patient and I'm done putting up with bullshit. I should never have to deal with in the first place. I'm so done with them acting as if they own every space I'm also in, as if I need an invitation and a man by my side to just be tolerated in it, which for me is most of what it's like to be a girl in gaming spaces, but it shouldn't be. I'm done having to justify and explain myself because dudebros are always convinced that because i'm a woman, I don't know shit, acting as if they are an authority on the things that I am living through every day, talking as if they know better than me, denying my experiences. And I'm done with – again, to go back to the thing that I mentioned about gaming spaces – men calling me slurs or just being fucking creepy as hell with me for what I am.
I'm sorry to say this, but every time I see a toxic community, every time I see a place that is just a Nazi haven or whatever the fuck, it's all men! All the time! It's not that women can't be Nazis or whatever, of course they can. Women can be fucking awful! I mean, there is a reason why the UK is nicknamed "TERF Island", you know? But that kind of shit is definitely the exception, not the rule.
I love cis men, I really do, but, and I hate to say this, for me to be able to keep loving them, I need moments and places where I can just fucking vent about how exhausting they are to be around. And getting that online is near impossible. I wouldn't be able to say or write any of this in a space where they were allowed. And I know that you know why I can't do that. I know that you know what it would turn into. We all know here what comes of poking this hornet's nest.
So I'm thankful for this space. I'm thankful for all of you in it. And I want more of them.
(depending on how this goes, I just want to say in advance that I'm sorry to the moderation.)
UPDATE: ~~So with all the responses I got, I'm gonna be honest, I kinda deeply regret making this post and I don't think I'm gonna be active in this community anymore. I don't think I'm gonna be really active on this account much anymore either at all for that matter. I'm sorry that I made this post, I should have kept this to myself.~~
UPDATE 2: Nah, fuck that. I stand by everything I said.
huh. well. this is some progressive ass stereotyping lmao
Trans inclusive radical misandry
Man I wish misandry existed
Edit: insofar as I wish for a world where women have enough structural power for misandry to even be considered in the same ballpark of meaning as misogyny
The only thing I can think of is parental leave not being equally and widely available for all. Like yeah the birth giver does most of the work, but parenting should be something done by all parents, not just one.
Likewise the shaming of men for sharing their mental health issues. Though that's often between men. I always tell my guy friends to speak out if something bad happens.
Misandry often is ironically still perpetuated mostly by other men who don't want to understand, nor who want to work on it. The power dynamics is a large part of the problem.
You could make an argument for parental leave being primarily offered to the birth giver being misogyny, honestly. The expectation is that the birth giver should be the one and only parent taking time away from work and spending time taking care of their newborn. Obviously a man shouldn't take time away from work, those are ovary-havers' jobs
I wouldn't call the mental health issue a structural one but it is a very real issue. And yes, mainly perpetuated by other men. Dudes should cry and get therapy, too <3
I also just get a big ick at the term misandry since its origin was literally as a kneejerk reaction to feminism, and has also since been a big buzzword in the manosphere
yeah, I was going to say - patriarchy ironically is the biggest source of misandry - it perpetuates norms about men being predators, blames them as a category for the crimes of a minority, and distributes power unevenly among men participating in the oppression of men through class and race differences, etc.
I don't really want to imply we should stereotype either way (sorta the same with cis men, tbh - there are bad men, there are good men, there are men who are both; I'm not going to pretend it's not complicated) ... but it is a good reminder that trans men are just men and there are plenty of shitty trans men.
I mean the whole point of this is we’re othering men … right
Like. This is a “I dislike the other” post.
I don't think so, this is more like a venting / frustration post over bad experiences with men, and a statement of relief and gratitude for safe spaces.
You don't have to twist that into strict "othering", even if that's often how that goes in practice.
I would prefer we hold both as true - that we don't invalidate women's experiences with men, but that we also recognize that those bad experiences are not absolute or guaranteed with every man. I see no reason we can't be mature and recognize the compatibility for both truths here.
I don’t intend to say we shouldn’t complain or ought not or that complaining in and of itself id bad, just I find the space to give me the ick when that starts to become the theme. Idk if that makes sense?
Maybe I’m being reactive and being anxious about the discourse changing, but some of the comments in here have given that ick.
I don't think it's unreasonable to feel anxious about this turning into a toxic space where generalizations and othering are common, because tbh I think that's usually how it goes. Victims often generalize, I think it's part of the fear and survival response to constantly be looking for similar patterns and anticipate threats - so to some extent I even think this is hardwired.
Not that every bad interaction with a man results in PTSD-like symptoms or anything, but some of those bad interactions do turn out that way. I've been inappropriately touched by a man and once I was in a safe place my body started to shake uncontrollably, and I assume based on that, that I had some kind of trauma response from my experience. I just assume this experience is going to make it harder for me to trust men, esp. men who remind me of the person who victimized me.
I definitely think as a culture we have to find a path to both validate women's experiences, but also not let that turn into dehumanizing rhetoric based on inappropriate generalization. It's admittedly hard to do both.
othering is a pretty baked in human trait, we inherently do it down to cross race facial blindness being near universal so I’m not really trying to even throw shade at it.
I just think we need to recognize that bias in all of us.
I appreciate that we’re not arguing about this even if at points there is disagreement in perception.