this post was submitted on 09 Mar 2026
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Anyone notice how all (well intentioned) advice for autistic people is just "mask harder"? (lemmy.ca)
submitted 3 weeks ago by sveltecider@lemmy.ca to c/autism@lemmy.world
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What the title says. Well intentioned, often other "neurodivergent" people look at your life, your autism, and say: "you should mask harder."

For example, I accidentally said something that offended a friend. Won't go into detail, but it was me unintentionally coming off as arrogant, not something bad like a slur or hate speech.

I asked for advice (elsewhere) and the advice was universally, "you see, NT avoid this topic at all costs. Going forwards, know it is best to avoid this topic."

But isn't this just saying "mask harder and be more palatable for everyone else"?

Every piece of "autism advice" I see even in "neurodivergent friendly" communities is basically "how to be less autistic."

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[–] Randomgal@lemmy.ca 6 points 3 weeks ago

Yes and no. The advice you received in particular is just as valid for neurotypical people. Knowing what is okay to talk about in different contexts is a learned behavior, not something that comes naturally to everyone.

However it is also true that a lot of advice is just 'mask harder' because... It's really the only thing you can do. You can't control other people and institutional change is slow, so the only option is to affect what you can affect and that will be yourself.

The difference is on WHY you're doing things. Masking is toxic if you're doing it to please other people or because it feels unsafe otherwise.

But adopting different ways of communicating depending on the context is not masking, it's how language works. Nobody speaks to their boyfriend the same way they speak to their Christian grandmother or the same way they talk in Xbox Live .