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I agree that rape is abhorrent. What I find weird is that it wasn't always seen that way. Men were literally allowed to rape their wives until relatively recently. I'm sure most men didn't, but it was framed as a sort of duty of a wife to 'submit' to their husbands and many simply endured unwanted sex as a sort of duty. That's still rape to me, but the chances are some ancestor of yours just let her husband 'have his way' without her wanting it at all, but allowed it through some sort of societal obligation. That's still rape. Is that as bad as murder?
Yeah, the only way I can get my head around it is assuming that it was very rare for someone to do marital rape.
This a good and challenging question. I suppose, as with murder, some instances of rape are worse than others (e.g attacking a random person violently VS. your spouse couldn't consent because you're both heavily intoxicated).
But no, what you describe there isn't worse than murder... so really I need to be more specific and state that rape can be worse than murder, or "[X] sexual assault scenario is worse than the act of murdering someone is".
At which point it becomes a less useful statement, and probably everyone agrees with it so it's not controversial at all.