this post was submitted on 14 Feb 2026
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What dating apps are really optimizing. Hint: it isn’t love (theconversation.com)
submitted 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago) by Beep@lemmus.org to c/technology@lemmy.world
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In the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day, dating apps typically see a spike in new users and activity. More profiles are created, more messages sent, more swipes logged.

Dating platforms market themselves as modern technological solutions to loneliness, right at your fingertips. And yet, for many people, the day meant to celebrate romantic connection feels lonelier than ever.

This, rather than a personal failure or the reality of modern romance, is the outcome of how dating apps are designed and of the economic logic that governs them.

These digital tools aren’t simply interfaces that facilitate connection. The ease and expansiveness of online dating have commodified social bonds, eroded meaningful interactions and created a type of dating throw-away culture, encouraging a sense of disposability and distorting decision-making.

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[–] Nilay@thelemmy.club 2 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

I've never used a dating app. I think dating apps are mostly used for hookups. At least that's what I've heard, and I'm not interested at all. In this capitalist system where we consume everything so quickly, it's very difficult to truly find love. A philosopher once wrote a book about how love is gradually dying. The Agony of Eros by Chul Han. I recommend.

[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 1 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

I think dating apps are mostly used for hookups

This isn't especially true. Maybe Feeld and Tinder are less "serious", but the idea of dating apps is mainstream enough that you find all sorts of people and goals.

The capitalism and for-profit nature does make them all kind of suck, though

[–] Nilay@thelemmy.club 1 points 47 minutes ago (1 children)

I don't know, they still seem to me like they're only for short-term gains. Capitalism ruins everything.

[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 1 points 23 minutes ago

Thinking about my friend group, about half the people met their long term partners on dating apps. The other half is a mix of work and large social groups (eg: people who all go to certain kinds of music festivals)

I guess it varies by age and region.

https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2020/08/20/key-takeaways-on-americans-views-of-and-experiences-with-dating-and-relationships/

While meeting partners through personal networks is still the most common kind of introduction, about one-in-ten partnered adults (12%) say they met their partner online. About a third (32%) of adults who are married, living with a partner or are in a committed relationship say friends and family helped them find their match. Smaller shares say they met through work (18%), through school (17%), online (12%), at a bar or restaurant (8%), at a place of worship (5%) or somewhere else (8%).

Some other sources I'm seeing say it's as high as 60% of couples met online.